Socialising and attractiveness part in the hierarchy

Hi,,

So I sort of assume that others here can relate to the feeling of standing outside the socialising behaviour of other individuals in our species, merely observing others interactions with a sort of cold mechanical outlook. Sort of seeing the underlaying true mechanisms at work that influences the way we socialise. Or perhaps that is just an illusion we engage in because of our different way of functioning.

Anyway, I wanted to talk and vent a little bit about the importance of being attractive and the way your looks influence basically everything in your life to a very large degree. A huge degree. And there isn't a whole lot that can be done about it. Of course this is nothing new for anyone, and pretty privilege is a well documented and accepted phenomenon. But it is.. depressing seeing truly how important it really is. And this isn't about being deemed attractive but more about the experience for those of us who are below average on the spectrum.

People automatically feel the need to disrespect you in various ways if you are unattractive, like it is their right to mess with you because you don't belong in the same category as them. It is sometimes through subtle comments, micro expressions showing immense disgust, or just outright insults right in your face. Out of nowhere. You just deserve to take bullshit somehow. You will be seen as less capable, even stupid, be constantly doubted and so on.

When I was a kid some girls would pretend to like me as a joke just to mock me and make fun of me, enjoying how much it hurt me. Then laughing in my face about it afterwards. Like, really? To this extent even though I have done nothing wrong? You just have to piss on me for something I have zero control over?

This even stretches to friends and family members, and people will simply feel that it is right to pick on you for being unattractive. They dont even think about it, it's just programmed in our dna to do it. As a below average or perhaps ugly person I have been disrespected and taken so much shit in my life that I have thought about ending it lots of times. I have seen people disrespect their own children and giving them comments that relate to them not being attractive.

My mother is an example of this where she sort of makes sure that I understand where I stand in the looks department so that I won't be hurt by others. I have no clear examples right now but it is there. It isn't out of ill will per se, but it is.. amazing really seeing how even your own parents just sort of reinforces this primal animalistic behaviour where looks is the end all be all of everything.

I am over 30 now and my hairline is funny and..yeah, it doesn't look overly good of course. I have problems with it because it hurts me losing a part of myself that I really actually liked. But the biggest thing about it is how much other people care about it. Yes, there is no shortage of making fun of guys for losing their hair and of course mention in various ways of how bad it looks. You just have to get to know how ugly it is. There can not be this respect for others where you think one thing but you just don't say it because you feel empathetically how it is wrong to hurt someone about something they can't control, no not at all, it absolutely needs to be forcefully thrown in someones face coldly about how ugly it really is. The person must absolutely know about it.

A friend of mine (yeah I know) has a picture of me from where we were young as an avatar in his phone that shows when I call, and this is at a period where I was around the most unattractive in my life. So he has it because he thinks that it is hilarious to see this ugly picture of me as a joke. It's enjoying seeing this funny picture of me. And like.. I mean, what is that? Like.. I am just at a loss of words of the behavior here how you can be so cruel. He even says it to my face and laughs about it without insight on how it makes me feel? It is just in his right to do this because ai am not attractive. The lack of empathy makes me absolutely sick to my stomach. I would never do that to someone ever.

Also when I have lunch with this person or something (who of course is a very attractive man) he looks around in the area to see if people judge him for being with someone as low as me on the attractiveness scale. Like, he sort of feel this Inner shame that he spends time with me in Public. What will people think of him.

Anyway, this turned out to become this self pity thing without some sort of clear point to discuss. But what I wanted to get across from the beginning is how socialising to me is this big Social game that in reality means nothing. We don't feel connection with others, it is all just a.. animalistic way of behavior to fit in the group and create opportunities for climbing the Social hierarchy and reproducing. Or whatever. Like I want to feel some connection to another human being but if this is what it is all about then I want no part of it.

I don't know if anyone can relate or if it even belongs here. Anyway, no wonder people Create weird protective behaviour in order survive and not get hurt..