O level chinese compo

Hi guys, chinese results are coming up soon and i’m just super scared for it. I feel like i went out of point for my narrative writing. But I would want some of your feedback on it. Maybe i was just overthinking about it HAHAH

So my compo was about my 表弟 telling me that he did not make any friends at school.I initially took what he said lightly because i thought it was quite normal since he just entered sec 1. However days after, i visited his family and i found him acting very weirdly. He was no longer cheerful and seemed rather depressed. i was very worried and in the end i found out that he was bullied and his friends cyber bullied him. Then i said i regretted for not taking what he said seriously and now my cousin had to suffer.Then for the lessons part, i talked about how i learned to not ignore small matter because it might eventually turn into something serious and I also said that i learned to care more about my beloved ones cuz sometimes u might not know what they have been through.do u guys think i have written off point? pls help me😭😭thank u