[QCrit] DISCIPLE OF SHADOWS, Fantasy, New Adult (94K, V1)

Hi everyone! I'm looking to start querying my debut novel and I'd love some feedback / advice on my query letter :)

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Hello {},

I hope this letter finds you well.

I am writing to seek representation for Disciple of Shadows, a 94K word fantasy new adult novel with series potential.

Assassin turned run-away Jacob Fox begins to think he’s scraped the bottom of the barrel for sword-for-hire work. With a daughter to support and debts racking up, he’s forced to take on riskier and riskier missions to survive. After he falls into a trap-disguised-mission putting him directly in the sights of the organization that’d once been his family, he must decide whether he is willing to fight for his past or brave forward into an unknown future.  

When whispers circulate incriminating the city’s ruler with rebellion alliances, a Student from the Academy and famed rival of Jacob’s organization descends into Spotlight to seek out definitive evidence. Jacob couldn’t care less which hands the crown of Lethonia falls into since he’s planning on getting out of the country as soon as he can. After a handful of failed dealings, the Student backs him into a corner and with threats to his daughter, forces him to help her track down the Baron. Nothing in Jacob's life had ever been easy, and this was no exception: the web is larger than either of them realize, and there are more people at play than just the two of them.

Disciple of Shadows features queer relationships, challenges existing perceptions, and will linger with you long after you’ve read the last word.

Fans of Nimona by ND Stevenson will be interested in the lush fantasy world, complex allegiances, and compelling romance featured in Disciple of Shadows.

[Personalization]

[Bio]

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Edit: I don't have any relevant writing experience, so what would you recommend putting in the bio?