I am tired of life without MDMA

I take MDMA every 2 months, something like that, and the day i take it...

It changes everything.

I wake up, i am happy i know i have my crystal pure mdma, i cut my hair the day before, i get a shower, i shave my body, i can't stop smiling, i know what's going to happen, im so happy, i pick my best outfit, my best parfum, my hair looks amazing, I'm fresh as hell. I take a good breakfast.

I sit on my couch, with some water and the crystal, i sip it fast...

Okay... Now the first 20 min i just chill on instagram, watch some videos, I'm waiting for the first smooth kick.

When it comes, it's the moment, i put my favorite music, the weeknd, i start dancing, i am more and more happy, after a 30 min doing this...

I go out...

This is where the fun begins, i can talk to everyone with no problem, and not only that, i give interesting and fascinating conversation i don't know how to explain, it's like, that day i met my neighbor in my hall, i live in an apartment, i started asking hey how are you, how it's it going? And we start speaking about our family and that type of shit, and it's something that i genuinely want to know, it's a very nice and comfortable conversation.

Now i go out and take my uber to the downtown, i live in Madrid, so i wanted to buy some clothes, i go to Zara, and i start noticing the looks on me from the store clerks, i ask what i want, i make nice conversation i give nice and smooth compliments, that's making me happier.

I go out and i want a starbucks, so the same thing, but this time i love the cashier, i needed her, so i do my best to get her number, and she told me she's out at 2 pm, i asked if she has something to do so i can get her to eat, i get her number and everythinf allright, i think nice we can have a nice conversation, before that i go to walk with my headphones and i feel like im in another level of consciousness, i am happier and happier for moments, i smile so much.

I like to smoke on M but i don't want to smell shit for the lady, so i smoke some vape (amazing)

The time is up i wait for the girl, and we go to a restaurant, and it was amazing one of the best conversations i'd have with a girl. She lives near so i accompanied her to her house, and we give each other a hug, and goodbye, we will keep in contact.

The Mdma is going down, I'm not feeling bad just more tired, and i think is time to go home to do some chores, finish some work, study, so i take kratom, and i do everything i needed.

This is my free day at work, at 6 pm more less I'm not even feeling the M, and i feel great it's good quality, now is where i start to think, even feeling good, wow i'm a normal person now, i go out and i can do everything but i don't have the passion like on Mdma, everything seems "empty" or maybe i'm, because of the M, but how is it possible i feel great, why i don't want to have these conversations anymore, why i don't want to get girls, i feel like going my home and take more kratom and have a dinner.

So i do it, i take a benzo to sleep. And it was an amazing day but i feel like why it has to finish? This day is an example, i have had days that are another level, crazy things those happen at night but i don't like it anymore, it's more dark, like the woman you meet and that type of shit.

Next day i wake up happy, i take my kratom, i do my coffee, i go to work, everything is the same but i don't feel like acting on MDMA.

Because my mind is not like that, but why I'm not like that if i love to be like that, when i force it, it's not the same, i feel anxious, i don't like it, i want to stay at my house after work.

My life is great, i love my life.

My life keeps going, but doesn't feel the same, maybe i have so high expectations of life that aren't true, and that's undermine my happiness.

But i have this dilemma with M, should i stop taking it? Should i stop trying to be someone that's not me? I don't know if you all are going to understand me, but the life on MDMA it's the life that honestly is what would make my life a movie.

I want to wake up and feel the morning on my face, get a cold shower, do what i want to do and be passionate, i just do it with discipline and it's not the same, i don't have the passion, what the fuck is wrong with me

Maybe for you what i do is stupid, but that's what makes me happy, because there are too many more things, with M life is like living in a videogame and im the principal player.

With my family i express all my love with them, i play with my brothers and i am happy, i don't look like a drug addict, not even close, not even in my eyes. Without drugs i am the same, but sometimes is forced, and it's not that MAGIC.

I know it's neurotoxic, I'm not going to get addicted i take it 1 every 2 months or even 3. I take kratom at morning like 1 teaspoon or 1 more at night and benzos only when coming off M at night.

What you all think about this?