Maintaining boundaries (and learning to say NO) is the kindest thing you can do for yourself and your students

I've seen some wild stuff on this sub this week that has left me scratching my head (e.g., receiving a LoR request at 8pm the day it's due and actually writing it; agreeing to regrade work that shouldn't be regraded; questions about following students on social media). The profs posting these seem to be disturbed at the gall of students (fair), but also seem not to recognize their own contributions to their own agitation. I understand many of us are perfectionistic people-pleasers and feel anxiety at the thought of saying no or holding a boundary - but it is truly the kindest thing you can do for yourself and your students.

I'm a psychologist and had boundaries hammered into me as part of my clinical training during my PhD, but I'm realizing this isn't the case for most academics. So here are some related tidbits I've felt helpful for my work with students:

When you don't hold a boundary, you teach students that they don't need to respect your boundaries. And by extension - don't need to respect you or your time.

When you don't hold a boundary, you compromise yourself. For what? More work? To keep someone else happy?

Students won't learn their behavior is inappropriate without consequences. Let the natural consequences of their actions occur. Yes, it is sad that the student is failing/won't get their LoR/is upset with you. They should've done better for themselves. It's not your job to clean up their mess. Don't take their responsibilities onto yourself. Don't take their emotions onto yourself. It is okay for a student not to like you.

Do not work harder than your students to help them succeed. Do your part and then let them do theirs (or not). In most cases, you didn't fail a student; they failed themselves.

Try not to take student disinterest as a personal affront. Yes, we may be passionate about our subject areas as academics, but unfortunately many students are just here for the credential. It sucks, but no use getting upset over it. Don't personalize their BS.

This is your job, not your personal life. It's good to have a boundary between the two. It's okay to turn off email notifications at night/on weekends and only email during business hours. Keep relationships with students professional and only interact with them on campus and via email - not on social media/text/phone. Avoid power struggles/arguments over email and instruct students to meet in person.

These have been helpful for me, and I'm interested to hear your thoughts and what's been helpful for you related to boundaries.