To that one guy I met here on Reddit,

"Bioluminescence" - Your first message on IG

I swear, I know what bioluminescence means. I just didn’t know how to reply or what to say. So I pretended like it didn’t matter. I'M SO SORRY HUHUHU 😭

I [27F] met you here on Reddit, just a month ago. You [29M] were looking for a girlfriend—someone you hoped would eventually become your wife. When I first read your post, I thought, “Oh, this guy is something else. Too good to be true.” Then I went back to scrolling. I told myself I couldn’t possibly reply because I’d promised God I would spend the rest of my days for Him, getting to know Him more. I’m not dying or anything—it’s just that I had decided relationships weren’t for me.

But as I kept scrolling, I couldn’t shake the urge to reply. :’( Before I messaged you, I prayed. I told God, “Lord, I’m sorry. This is the last time, I promise. I just want to try. If it doesn’t work, I’ll know You want me to be single.” So I replied, and we started talking. For how long? Three days? I can’t remember exactly. I deleted our conversation and my Reddit account because I was really hurt (I’m using a new one now). Shet na malupet, natapos nang mabilis HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

When we first started talking, you’d reply almost instantly, the same way I did. There were occasional delays of a minute or two, but nothing major. Then things changed. Suddenly, your replies only came at 2 a.m., 3 a.m., or 4 a.m.—always in the middle of the night. I started questioning things:
“Maybe he works graveyard shifts or is WFH.”
“Maybe he’s just not interested in me and is keeping me as an option.”
“Right, this was a public post on Reddit—of course lots of people reached out to him.”
“Maybe he’s already found someone he wants to pursue.”

You see, whenever I feel like things aren’t going well, my usual reaction is to pray and read the Bible. That night, when you didn’t reply for the first time, I prayed:
“Lord, if he doesn’t reply in three days, I’ll let him go.”

And guess what? It happened. You didn’t reach out. So I sent you one last message.

At first, I blamed myself. I thought, I never should’ve broken my promise to God. Other questions kept racing through my mind, even now:
"Was there something wrong with my grammar? Did I say something weird?"
"Maybe he didn’t find me attractive. He said I was cute, but ‘cute’ isn’t the same as attractive."
"Maybe he’s really just busy with work. Maybe he’s dealing with personal issues."
Or maybe the truth is simpler: Girl, he’s just not that into you.

But honestly, is it that hard to reject someone properly? What’s so difficult about that? It’s not hard to say, “I’m sorry, I’m not interested.” I would’ve even thanked you for your honesty.

So here’s my question: Should I have waited longer? Was I wrong? Am I being overdramatic? HAHAHAHAH. Gosh, it’s ridiculous. We didn’t even talk for long, yet there hasn’t been a single day I haven’t thought about him. Hahahahahaha. Nayawa. Kalurong. 😭

If by some chance you’re here and you’ve read this, just know: this is how I usually cope with rejection. Hahahahahaha. I write things, I let it all out. But I’m not expecting anything. I don’t chase. I never do. I’m a leaver. If I’m not wanted, I simply let go. I’ve learned the hard way.