Need a professional headshot

I really struggle with the way I look so I don’t have a lot of photos of myself, and I definitely don’t have a professional headshot. However, I recently got a new job and they want exactly that. Would anyone be able to turn this photo into something that says “please take me seriously”? I’m willing to tip up to $50 if you’re able to magically transform the selfie I took in my bathroom into something I can use at work!