Four days of Kindergarten, three calls home. Help.
My daughter, S (5, almost 6), just started Kindergarten (her second year at this school, where she also spent summer in camps - it’s not a new environment).
Wednesday, I got a call from the Dean (admin who handles behavioral issues) saying S had been discovered with a classmate crawling around the bathroom (they can leave the classroom to use the hallway bathrooms, unlike last year where they had a single stall in the classroom). The Dean said they had a talk about bathroom hygiene and etiquette. S and I had a similar talk, and I took away TV for the evening (having a hard time thinking of related consequences), saying when she had consequences at school, she had consequences at home too.
Thursday, I got a call from the Dean saying S and a different student had been found turning the bathroom lights on and off and holding the door closed - the Dean said S would no longer be able to use the bathroom without an adult. I picked S up early, before after-care to have another serious talk. We talked about trust, losing it and earning it back. She seemed to understand and wanted to do better, but when I asked her why what she did wasn’t ok, she had a hard time articulating it, even after our conversation. She kept coming back to getting caught. She lost TV again that evening, and she wrote notes to the Dean and her teacher, apologizing.
Friday, I walked her into school to try and really affirm our talk, and saw her deliver both notes. Later, the Dean called to say S had, with a teacher in the bathroom, looked under the stall when another student was peeing. Obviously this is now a privacy/safety issue. S is now only allowed to use the bathroom one on one with the Dean, before school, after lunch and after school. The Dean also asked me if she could involve the school counselor for an observation, because “S is obviously not able to understand this message in the way we are communicating with her.”
When S and I talked again, she offered the info about what happened right away. When we talked about why she looked under the stall, she said she didn’t know who else was in the bathroom. When we talked about the repeated issues in the bathroom this week, she said that this new grade “wasn’t familiar to me” (a word I didn’t know she knew) and she didn’t understand the bathroom rules this year because they’re different than last year. We talked a lot about what to do when you don’t know the rules - IE ask, don’t just run wild. I tried to reiterate the lost trust, and while I think she kind of gets it, she also said she likes the Dean and is glad that she gets to help her in the bathroom. 🤦♀️
I’m at my wit’s end - I don’t know what I’m missing here. She’s never had an issue like this, with repeated lack of impulse control. I don’t know how else to communicate this.
Icing on the cake - I work at the school (with a different division), so not only do I feel like a failure, I feel like my failure is very much on display with people I know and respect. I am embarrassed, then feel guilty for feeling embarrassed about my kid, who I love with my whole heart.