This is what my panic attack feels like if you're wondering if that's what you're dealing with!

For anyone who eventually googles and this may be something they are looking for. Or anyone in this sub that wants to know if what they are going through is normal. This might help or bring you some relief.

Today I went to the park with my kids. I have noticed that i have become moderately agoraphobic.

All of a sudden. My head felt funny. Kind of heavy. But also like someone was pushing the sides of my head in. I felt like I needed to run away. And go where? Nowhere in particular. Just need to run. Something just felt off. Impending doom. Then I could feel my heart rate start to climb. At this point I know that if I don't get it under control soon, it's gonna lead to a full blown attack.

I told my husband we needed to head home. And he could take them back without me. I got home. Ran to the bathroom because I had to poop, my stomach hurts and its usually diarrhea. I also simultaneously feel nauseous. And im gagging, but dont vomit. Getting off the toilet I'm wobbling to get to my bed.

I turn the fan on and strip down to my underwear and a shirt. My heart rate is about 160. I'm scared. I'm shaking. My mouth is dry. I want to cry but not sure why or if i even can.I feel like I could pass out, but I never have. I'm very unomfortable. It feels like I'm me inside a skin suit and my skin is crawling to just get out. I run my hands up and down my legs or on the sheets as a way to stim. Sometimes I rock back and forth. Or move my legs back and forth. Sometimes I open my hands and close them multiple times.

At this point I take half a xanax. (.25 mg) because I know I am not doing well enough to get through it myself.

About 30 mins after the benzo, my heart rate is calming. The shaking is subsiding. It's been about an hour since this came on. My shoulders are on fire and my hands tingle. My jaw hurts from clenching. I still feel nervous about it coming back but the xanax helps me to relax and change my thoughts. I still can't sit still. But my heart rate is at 90. The worst is over.

When i stand, i feel like a newborn deer. My legs are like jello. I get a bit lightheaded. I want to lay back down. But I feel more like myself again. I will have a hangover and possibly smaller anxiety attacks for the next week. Tomorrow I will be tired and probably stay home and just recover.

I hope this helps some of you who worry this is more than anxiety. I have been dealing with these for 8 years now. And I always recover. My heart rate always comes back down. My ekgs are perfect. Blood work is perfect. I've had a whole body ct scan with contrast. Absolutely perfect. I do have ibs and mild pots which can cause issues with my vagus nerve. (That damn gut brain connection.)

I know it fucking sucks. You feel like you're dying. You feel like you could lose it. Disassociate. It fucking sucks. But I'm here. I'm doing it. And im healthy. My brain just likes to sat "lol fuck you" sometimes. And you can do this too. I believe you can! It wont last forever! My inbox is always open for any question you have about my symptoms or just for support! We can do this!