Persian Weddings vs. Eloping: Need Advice on Cultural Expectations

Looking for advice from Persians to better understand the cultural significance of weddings in Iran compared to those in the US. My fiancé was born and raised in the US, but his parents are from Tehran and most of his extended family are still living in Tehran. Personally, I’ve never dreamed of having a big wedding—it’s just not something I’ve ever wanted. I’m pretty introverted and private and the idea of a massive wedding honestly fills me with anxiety and dread.

My family is American/french and my parents eloped. They’re very relaxed and low-key, so they wouldn’t mind if we opted for a small or private celebration. I’ve told my fiancé many times over the years that I’d prefer to elope or have a very small wedding with just immediate family and close friends. He’s said he wishes we could elope, but insists that it’s not an option because of how important weddings are in Persian culture.

I’m trying to understand if this is truly a cultural expectation or if he may be projecting some of his own desires. For example, his mom often shows me videos of extravagant weddings with Cirque du Soleil-type performances and fire shooting out of the ground….it’s all so overwhelming. I can’t tell if a large, lavish wedding is genuinely a cultural necessity, or if my fiancé might feel more strongly about it than he’s letting on?

On top of that, I struggle with the idea of spending so much money on one or two days of events, even if our families would likely cover the costs. It just feels unnecessary to me, especially when that money could go toward something more practical, like a down payment on a home.

Any insights into the cultural expectations around Persian weddings and how they might balance with my own preferences would be so helpful.