I'm scared of life.

I've been told to love and appreciate myself. But how can I do that if there's nothing to appreciate about me? Everyone has something : brains, beauty, money, talent. But it seems that I lack everything.

Everyday, I get taunts about how no guy will marry me and that I look like a stick. I don't understand. Everyone looks good in some way, but every angle I see myself from, I still end up looking the ugliest. My friends indirectly hint towards that.

I used to be good in studies. But not anymore. I don't have any goal, ambition. I don't even remember my interests. I can't focus. I've given up on trying. Nothing works. I'm always back to square one.

My health is deteriorating. Dull face, weak body. It's difficult for me to walk properly. I get taunted about that as well.

If I say something, I get slapped for being too rude and egoistic. I know. I'm a shit person and maybe that's why I'm going through all of this.

I'm worried about the future. My parents will be gone. I can't imagine that. I'm so scared. Everyone is going to leave me and one day I'll be all alone. While everyone will be enjoying their lives, I would be ten times more miserable and pathetic as I am currently. My family and relatives think that too.

Even though I listen to everything my friends say, I feel that they don't care much of me. They are just not there when I need support or advice. Short and disinterested replies are what I get after listening to whatever they say and still giving heartfelt replies.

I don't think anyone truly loves me. I'm just unlovable I guess. Never got compliments, can't talk to anyone properly, never felt like someone treated me special.

I don't know why I was born into this world, maybe just to suffer? I don't believe in God anymore. People say that life is unfair to everyone and that there are people in much worse conditions than I am, does that mean I should ignore my own pain?

I'm thankful for everything I've had but I feel that there's no future for me. I cannot live anymore.