I feel like a child throwing tantrums.

For the context I'm a 19(f) year old who is in her (2nd) gap year for premed exams. Last 2 years has been very harsh. Failed my examinations twice and might as well as fail it again for the third time in a row. As a person, these gap years turned me very sour. I don't even recognize myself anymore. The position I've put myself into is so sad it's laughable. My first attempt and the second attempt (for my premed test) was not by my choice. I wasn't really good at anything in particular so my parents just enrolled me in a boarding school with a no phone policy where they trained kids for the premed exam. Constant comparison amongst peers and there was no way to escape from that atmosphere. I don't think I was built for such a toxic atmosphere. The worst part is I don't even know if medicine is what I want to do. What annoys me most is I still don't know what to do with my life. But this gap year i fought for it I said I'll prove my worth. (🤡) I'm failing miserably dawg. I wasn't focused at all. Exam is in 3 months and I feel like id barely pass. It's all just humiliating you know. I haven't achieved anything academically in the past 5 years or so. To even imagine myself passig this exam is cracking me up. My parents have given up on me as well. It just irritates me. Every single day of my high school I used to wake up listening to my parents yelling about how much of an useless child(at fucking 5 in the morning btw) i am and now they ask me when that happened (😭 ). I stopped talking to them eventually. Stopped talking to my friends as well I looked like a clown amongst people who had already joined colleges. Boarding school wasn't any better either. I know this is just a phase of life but even if I work my ass off rn I won't get into a prestigious college in a tier 1 city. Its plausible though. If I maybe study religiously for the next 100 days or so I might bag a seat but at what cost? Pursuing medicine in a third world country is DRAINING. Both emotionally and physically. The work load and work hours is simply not worth it. It doesn't even pay that well. THIS IS ALL SO FHAKFHAJFBWDHWBS. THERE IS NO EASY WAY TO MONEY WITH OR EITHOUT MY FAMILYS SUPPORT I MUST CLEAR THIS EXAM 😭😭 I put myself in this place so gang gang yall. We will go with the if ain't me then who 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️