Resenting my baby

He’s a month old and absolutely perfect. He’s beautiful, he holds my fingers to sleep, he smells stinky and wonderful, I love him so much.
But I feel like my life begins and ends between my kitchen and living room. My only adventure is to the back porch and only if I’m lucky because it’s too cold to take him out, and doctors appointments. There’s no freedom in my life anymore. There’s no me, I’m just “mama” now. People don’t even call me by my name, I’m just “mama”. I feed him,burp him,change him, tummy time, then he naps, then I feed,burp,change,tummy time, then nap, over and over again and the days are just a blur of colors and spit up so much that I can’t remember what day it is or when I last ate or how long it’s been since I pumped. I forgot my birthday on Sunday and my husband bought me breakfast and dinner, it was so sweet and he’s always made my bdays amazing before. I didn’t think it would bug me having a lowkey birthday this year but it’s really made me depressed. I cleaned the bathroom on my birthday 😂 we stayed home and drank some wine and watched Twilight and had fun but I wanted so much to go to the coast and rent a hotel and walk on the beach and be cold and wet in the sand or go camping in freezing weather and sit around the fire keeping warm. I wanted so much to feel like me again, just us doing things on a whim like we used to. Just feeling like my life was more than just eating and feeding and burping on my couch all day everyday.I love my baby more than anything, but I keep thinking maybe this was a horrible idea and maybe I’ll never get to be me again. Maybe I’ll be stuck in this house consumed by this little perfect thing forever and I’ll never just be us again.