Continuity 3
[ Memory Transcription, Standardized Human Time 2165, Sept 14; Elain De Monroe, CyberSkalgan Freelance Artist ]
I stepped off of the tram near Mari’s place and pulled my hoodie tighter around me. My new body was an impressive bit of engineering and matched my original fur patterns remarkably well, but it still had its tells, if you knew where to look.
I didn’t want to take any chances, so I had donned the official public transportation symbols of leave-me-alone; baggy hoodie sweater with the hood up, a book or pad to stare at, and the biggest fuck off, don’t talk to me headphones I could find that would fit my head. I found it strange to think that I didn’t exactly need any of these things anymore. I didn’t feel hot or cold to an uncomfortable degree, unless it was actually damaging, I was already an ambulatory pad, and I could just route an audio stream right into my mind, if I really wanted to. Look out science fiction, Elain is here to make this speh fact!
I twisted my tail in mirth at my little personal declaration to the world and made my way to Mari’s estate. It was in one of the fancier neighborhoods north of the city proper, set back from the road behind a wrought iron and brick barrier. She never kept the gate closed, so it was no issue to walk right up to the front door. It looked fancy, but she didn’t have a doorman or anything, so I pushed the doorbell and waited.
I could hear shuffling and the heavy footfalls that humans always made. Their plantigrade feet were supposed to cushion their footfalls, but even they walked on the balls of their feet like venlil when they wanted to be quiet. Most of the time, they were content to stomp around like careless mazics.
Mari’s eyes went wide as she beheld me. “Elain!?” Her look of shock quickly melted into a glare of indignation. “Where the hell have you been!? Three months! Three months I’ve tried to get in contact with you, and you’ve been silent the entire time! It’s like you died or something, and now you show up out of the blue standing here looking like nothing’s wrong and…” Her eyebrows twitched and furrowed as she looked at me closer. She leaned in, and I couldn’t help but step back from her probing gaze. Suddenly, her eyes went wide again.
No, she couldn’t have.
She recoiled back into the foyer and grabbed to shut the door.“Wait, Mari, please I can explain!” I lept forward and tried to grab the door, but she was too quick and I missed. A loud thud shook the door frame as my arm was caught between it and the closing door. Our eyes met, her waiting for me to say something and me searching for the right words for the situation. I could feel the pressure, but there was no pain. We both looked at the limb and the cracked paint on the wooden frame, my arm easily winning the battle of resilience.
“Ow.”
Ow? Out of all the words in that data bank of a skull you now possess, Elain, that’s the best you can come up with!? Mari just looked dumbfounded at the absurdity of the whole situation. “Just who and what the hell are you?”
“Mari, I swear it’s me, Elain. I said I can explain and I will just…not outside. Please?” I lowered my ears and put on the best ewe eyes I could muster. Her resolve was no match, and she opened the door with a sigh, motioning for me to enter. I stepped into the foyer. It was much the same as it had been that night, but I did notice a few pieces of my work that had been hung were conspicuously absent. If I had a fully functioning throat, it would have had a lump in it.
My gaze must have lingered on the blank wall for a bit too long, as Mari cleared her throat. I snapped around to face her. She stood in front of the door with her arms crossed, glaring down at me. I pulled my hood and headphones off and stilled my nervously flicking tail.
“Ok so, that night after the party I was on my way home and it turns out the rail company was using a new sensor set and it was supposed to talk to the automotive AI which was supposed to be updated with the new information but it wasn’t and so it stopped right on the tracks as a train was coming and I got ran over and it killed me and Terra Technologies got sued and it was a whole thing and eventually they went to court and my family won and got paid and part of the settlement was that they’d bring me back to life so they did and I only woke up earlier this week and I came as soon as i could and im sorry i didnt call back please dont hate me i didnt mean to get killed!”
“Holy shit, girl, slow down!“ Mari held her hands up trying to calm me down, but I could feel my chest tightening again.
Breathe in, breathe out. I’m ok. I’m ok.
The anxious feeling didn’t go away, but it died down enough for me to get a handle on myself.
“Sorry, it’s a lot.”
Mari just nodded, that binocular gaze drilling into my presumably metal skull. Was that even where my brain was now? My chip? I guess they could put it anywhere now. I should probably look that up.
”So how can I trust that it’s really you? I know human synthetics exist, but I didn’t think they could do that with any other species. Even your parents didn’t know where you were! I had to deal with all of your commissioners, turn them away, refund their deposits!”
“I’m sorry… They did, they couldn’t talk about it I guess. You called them?”
“Of course I did! I was worried sick! I’m… I was your friend...” She looked away as her voice trailed off.
The tightness swelled up again.” W-was? Am I not still?”
“I-I don’t know. I don’t know what to think right now.”
My ears sat flat back as my tail curled around my leg. The tightness had turned into a pit of grief deep in my belly. If I had a stomach, I’d probably be feeling ill.
I didn’t know what to think, either. Was I still Elain? Elias Meier was brought back but he didn’t think he was the same person and called himself Adam. I looked down at the faux fur on my arms, a fancy simulacrum stretched over a chassis of titanium steel and plastics, hydraulic muscles that swelled with coolant as they swelled and contracted. Could I even call myself a skalgan? A venlil? I couldn’t even taste the air, and even my parents could do that. I didn’t like the thought of not being me, not being Elain. If I wasn’t her, then who would I be?
“I should probably go,” I mewled softly and turned to the door, not even waiting for Mari to reply before quickly slipping out and running to the street.
[Time skip 1 hr]
The last time I had been to my flat, the trees were lush and green, but now the leaves were a pallet of reds and oranges, gradually thinning as the breeze jostled the branches and shook the leaves onto the sidewalk. For me, autumn struck in less than a week. I reached for my pad in my bag but stopped. It didn’t have the keys anymore, I did.
I held my paw up to the plate beside the door. The NFC signals actually felt like a tickle, and I followed the transaction in my mind like a conversation between a strange and alien part of myself and the building's security system. I could only describe the last step as pulling a lever with a muscle that I hadn’t ever had before.
The latch buzzed, and I opened the door to the foyer and ascended the steps to my door. I repeated the process and stepped into my flat.
It looked mostly the same as I left it, but I could tell my parents had been here while I was…inactive. Canvases that had been strewn about were neatly stacked off to the side, the sink was devoid of dirty dishes, and even though there was a thin layer of dust over everything, it wasn’t very thick. I dropped my bag to the floor and slumped down on the cheap Swedish sofa I had been so proud to buy with my own money. It wasn’t anything fancy, but it certainly beat the worn out futon I’d had since I was a pup.
The questions from Mari’s continued to burn in my mind, giving me not even a moment of respite. I huffed and stood back up to pace around the floor. I could feel the familiar carpet under my paw pads. It was soothing, even if it felt like I was walking with rubber gloves on.
What even defined me? My body? Maybe, but that would imply I wasn’t still me. My friends? After my interaction with Mari, I didn’t want to put everything on that thought either. My gaze drifted to the stack of canvases, and my tail flicked in excitement.
Art! Yes! I am Elain De Monroe, the up and coming skalgan artist! If anything were to define me, it was this! I eagerly dug out my pencils and a half filled sketchbook and plopped myself down right in the middle of the floor. I grinned and my ears wiggled in joy for the first time since I woke up.
The blank page looked up at me like an old frenemy. I took my pencil in my paw and began to sketch a self portrait. The lead scratched across the page with passion as I bit my tongue gently.
My joy didn’t last long. The lines on the page were a chaotic mess of overshot strokes and inconsistent weights. The pencil in my paw felt clumsy and strange. My scribbling was indistinguishable from a young pup’s first time with a crayon. The pit consumed my belly and chest as I remembered something the doctors had said to me on the first day.
Dr. Chun warned me that I might have lost some muscle memory in the transfer. I hadn’t realized then what the implications on my art skills would be. I couldn’t even rely on art to define me anymore.
The pencil snapped in my trembling paw and I dropped the sketchbook to the floor. I slid back against the wall and pulled my legs to my chest, hugging them tight with my tail and arms. I curled into a ball and shivered, waiting for the sobbing and tears I knew would never come.
[ End Transcription ]
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Chapter 3 is up. What do you all think? Is this toaster still the real Elain?
Thanks to u/SpacePaladin15 for the NoP setting and letting us nerds play with his toys. Thanks to u/coldfireknight for editing!
Happy New Years y'all!
EDIT: Fixed name swap. oopsie!