Still struggling

In July I had an early miscarriage. At the time I was just practical and panicked to start with as it was really early in my relationship (which ended in September, he dumped me) It’s still bothering me, I wasn’t sure at the time at all but now I’m so bothered by pregnant women and couples and babies. By now I’d be about 7 or 8 months and not young either so it felt special. It feels complicated because of how he reacted.

I told him the news when I had all the info, I was going to hospital the next day. On the phone he was surprised but fine. I was just matter of fact.

He texted me in the morning to ask what I was up to that day. I reminded him I was in the hospital, he had immediately forgotten

He was apologetic over text and tried to reach me that evening, then the next day after work offered to come over to look after me, I put him off til the next day because I was annoyed and tired. He came round and made some food, stayed for 2 hours, then decided to leave to go on a trip with his friends The miscarriage was a week long process, he didn’t stay in decent contact or ask how I was when he returned, he didn’t ask what hospital I was at or if I needed transport. In the weeks after he glossed over it, expressed doubt it had ever happened at one point, said he was worried about his sperm.

As I saw we broke up, I felt increasingly shut fine and he ended it in frustration. Feeling so horribly stuck