Mentality of finances is so backwards for us

To give context, I have 2 step kids, and an ours baby. My wife is a stay at home mom, and doesn’t collect child support as at the time of divorcing , felt bad, and waived the court recommendation. Both wife and her ex made about 50k combined. They both maintained own accounts, and spent money how they wanted. But also had their own responsibilities , for example mortgage would be one, vs bill/groceries the other. Both got to get whichever car they wanted, whatever clothes, blah blah.

Fast forward to our situation. My wife now stays home (honestly doesn’t make sense to work, making 12 an hour, beating up your body and stressing out in the process). I make good money in my career, which is over 200k after bonuses. So we are doing good, and will have a great retirement. I take care of everything financially, and do a good job with it.

Now when it comes to spending money, my wife is extremely controlling. Which wasn’t the case with her ex. Anything I make needs to be documented where it’s going, and if I want to spend money on something I want, I get a shit Ton of guilt.

Now here’s the kicker. She feels bad that my step kids won’t get much from their dad or her. To solution this, she wants to work, in order to be able to gift them large amounts of money in the future.

It’s so bizarre that money I make is ours, but hers will be used for whatever she wants , including gifts.