Critique my script

Just finished my script would love some critique I am going to combine some pages not all will be 3 panels just wrote it like that bc it was easier for me to come up with my story with that format

Page 1 Panel 1 Wide shot of a snowy, creepy rural town. Dark clouds loom overhead, casting an eerie shadow over the small, deserted buildings.

Panel 2 Close-up of Thomas, a man in his early 30s with an anxious expression. He grips the steering wheel tightly as he drives.

Panel 3 Inside the car. Elie (Thomas’s wife) in her late 20s, gazes out the window. In the backseat, Ivy, their daughter a happy girl (around 6 years old), plays with a stuffed animal. Ivy: "Look, Mommy! My bunny can fly!" Page 2 Panel 1 Thomas car pulls into a run-down gas station. Snowflakes fall softly, adding to the sense of isolation.

Panel 2 Thomas steps out of the car, wearing a light jacket ( thinks he should’ve brought a warmer one). He looks at the gas station sign, which flickers dimly.

Panel 3 Close-up of the gas station clerk. He’s middle-aged with shifty eyes, an uneven smile, and a sense of unease about him.

Page 3

Panel 1 Thomas approaches the counter, speaking to the clerk. The atmosphere inside the gas station is dim and grimy. Daniel: "Hey, I need directions to the everette estate."

Panel 2 The clerk leans forward, his eyes narrowing, making him appear suspicious. Clerk: "Everette , huh? Folks don’t go up there much anymore."

Panel 3 Thomas shrugs, trying to lighten the mood. Daniel: "Well, I guess I’m not ‘most folks.’ Just inherited the house—figured we’d check it out."

Page 4 Panel 1 The clerk scribbles directions on a piece of paper but looks uneasy, glancing up at Thomas with hesitation. Clerk: "Take the old highway... and watch out for the woods."

Panel 2 Thomas takes the paper, nodding politely as he glances back at his car where Elie and Ivy wait. Daniel: "Thanks."

Panel 3 The clerk smirks slightly as Thomas turns to leave. His smile is unsettling. Clerk (thought bubble): “ Good luck at that old place”

Page 5 Panel 1 Thomas gets back into the car, where Elie looks at him expectantly. Elie: "Did you find out where we’re going?"

Panel 2 The car drives down a snowy road, surrounded by trees. The landscape feels increasingly isolated.

Panel 3 Elie looks worried, glancing at Thomas. Elie: "Do you think we should’ve stayed in town? Just for the night?"

Page 6 Panel 1 Ivy leans forward in her seat, giggling as she points out the window. Ivy: "Daddy, look! A deer!"

Panel 2 Thomas notices the deer in the road ahead, frozen in place as the snow falls around it. He begins pulling over to the side. Daniel: "Hang on—looks like it’s stuck."

Panel 3 Close-up of the deer. It stands perfectly still, its wide eyes giving off a deer in headlights look.

Page 7 Panel 1 Thomas steps out of the car cautiously, motioning to his family to stay inside. Daniel: "Stay put. I’ll see what’s going on."

Panel 2 Elie looks hesitant, but Ivy, curious and eager, leans against the door, excited. Ivy: "I wanna see the deer, Mommy!"

Panel 3 Despite Thomas’s warning, Ivy jumps out following her dad. Elie: "Ivy, get back here!."

Page 8 Panel 1 Thomas cautiously approaches the deer, his breath visible in the freezing air. The deer remains eerily calm.

Panel 2 In the background, Elie and Ivy stand a few feet back. Elie whispers to Ivy, trying to keep her quiet. Elie (whispering): "It’s okay, sweetie. Let Daddy handle it."

Panel 3 Suddenly, the deer bolts into the woods, its movements quick and startling.

Page 9 Panel 1 Thomas freezes in place, surprised, then turns back toward his family. Daniel: "Well, look she got herself out.."

Panel 2 Elie looks up at the sky, worried as the snowfall begins to intensify. Elie: "We should get back in the car. This storm’s getting worse."

Panel 3 Thomas starts walking back to the car, but something feels off. He glances around uneasily.

Page 10 Panel 1 A wide shot of the car. One of the rear tires is completely flat, sunk into the snow.

Panel 2 Close-up of Thomas’s shocked expression as he realizes the problem. Thomas: "Well… looks like we have a flat tire.

Panel 3 Ivy watches the snow from inside the car, clutching her stuffed animal. Elie looks worried not wanting to be stuck in the town. Elie: "Oh no..."

Page 11 Panel 1 Thomas frantically looks around, scanning the area for any sign of help. Thomas: "There’s gotta be someone nearby who can help."

Panel 2 Elie pulls out her phone, holding it up, but the screen reads "No Signal." She looks frustrated and anxious. Elie: "No service. Great."

Panel 3 Thomas tries to calm them down, speaking with forced confidence. Thomas: "Okay, let’s not panic. We’ll walk back to the gas station. It’s not far only."

Page 12 Panel 1 The family walks down the snowy road, bundled in their coats. Ivy clings to Elie, shivering as they struggle through the snow.

Panel 2 The shadows of the forest seem to grow darker and closer, creating an ominous atmosphere.

Panel 3 Ivy looks up at Elie, trembling, holding her hand tightly. Ivy: "Mommy... it’s so cold."

Page 13 Panel 1 Thomas glances behind him, sensing something or someone watching them. His breath quickens as his unease grows.

Panel 2 Elie walks close to Thomas, whispering nervously. Elie: "How far are we from the gas station?"

Panel 3 Ivy points toward the woods, wide-eyed, interrupting. Ivy: "Daddy, I saw something!"

Page 14 Panel 1 Thomas urges them to keep walking, his voice steady but tense. Thomas: "It’s just your imagination. Let’s keep moving."

Panel 2 A rustling sound comes from the bushes nearby, making all three freeze in place. Sound Effect: CRUNCH! Panel 3 Close-up of Thomas,s face, his eyes darting toward the sound. His expression is tense and worried.

Page 15 Panel 1 Elie kneels beside Ivy, whispering soothing words as the little girl clings to her coat. Elie: "It’s okay, sweetie. We’re fine."

Panel 2 The wind howls through the trees, making them creak and groan ominously. Sound Effect: WHOOOOSH!

Panel 3 In the background, a shadowy figure flits between the trees, barely visible.

Page 16 Panel 1 Twigs snap loudly behind them. All three turn, panic written across their faces. Sound Effect: SNAP!

Panel 2 Thomas raises a hand, trying to keep them calm despite his fear. Thomas: "Don’t worry it's just the animals in the forest”

Panel 3 The family huddles together, their faces pale with fear as the woods grow darker.

Page 17 Panel 1 The snowy landscape becomes denser. The trees seem to close in around the family, creating a claustrophobic feeling.

Panel 2 Close-up of Thomas’s face. Sweat drips down his brow despite the cold, his expression a mix of desperation and fear. Thomas (thought): "It’s okay…. Only a few more km to the gas station.”

Panel 3 Elie glances back, her expression frozen in terror as she spots something moving in the shadows behind them. Elie (whispering): "Thomas… this feels off I don’t like this."

Page 18 Panel 1 Ivy screams as she trips over a snow-covered root, falling face-first into the snow. Ivy: "Ahh!"

Panel 2 Thomas rushes to help Ivy up, his heart racing as he kneels beside her. Ivy clings to him, crying. Thomas: "It’s okay, you’re okay!"

Panel 3 Elie looks back at the dark woods, wide-eyed with terror, as she urges them to hurry. Elie: "We need to keep moving!"

Page 19 Panel 1 Ivy suddenly sees the deer from earlier, standing at the edge of the woods, its calm presence contrasting with the chaos. Ivy (excited): "Look! The deer!"

Panel 2 Before anyone can stop her, Ivy runs after the deer into the woods, her laughter echoing in the silence. Elie: "Ivy! Stop!"

Panel 3 Elie immediately takes off after Ivy, panic written on her face as she disappears into the woods. Elie: "Wait! Don’t go too far!"

Page 20 Panel 1 Close-up of Thomas’s face, panic and dread overwhelming him as he begins to run after them. Daniel: "No... wait, we don’t know these woods!"

Panel 2 The dark trees loom closer, their twisted branches creating haunting silhouettes. Thomas’s voice echoes in the distance. Thomas (off-panel): "Ivy! Elie!"

Panel 3 Wide shot of the woods as Thomas runs deeper, his form small and lost among the massive trees.

Page 21 Panel 1 The forest grows darker and more menacing. Thomas calls out desperately, his voice breaking. Thomas: "Where are you?!"

Panel 2 Montage of smaller panels showing Thomas searching frantically, stumbling over roots, and glancing around with increasing desperation. Text (Caption): "Minutes pass... then what feels like hours. Dread begins to creep in."

Panel 3 The light begins to fade as night falls, shrouding the forest in an oppressive darkness.

Page 22 Panel 1 Thomas trips over a fallen tree, crashing hard to the ground. Snow scatters around him as his head hits the trunk. Sound Effect: THUD!

Panel 2 Thomas wakes up in the snow, groggy and disoriented. Blood stains his coat, and he clutches his abdomen, revealing a deep wound. Thomas: "Ugh... What happened?"

Panel 3 Stumbling to his feet, Thomas struggles forward, leaving a trail of blood in the snow.

Page 23 Panel 1 Through the trees, Thomas spots an old, decrepit cabin, half-hidden by the falling snow. It looks abandoned and eerie. Thomas (thought): "A cabin... I need shelter."

Panel 2 The cabin’s door creaks as Thomas pushes it open. The interior is dark and cluttered with broken furniture and scattered debris and blood on the walls

Panel 3 Close-up of Thomas’s face as he looks around cautiously. He feels a presence watching him. Thomas (thought): "Oh god…. What happened here."

Page 24 Panel 1 Thomas glances toward the cabin window. Outside, a shadowy figure stands motionless, watching him. Its outline is barely visible through the frost-covered glass.

Panel 2 Flashback panel. Blurry images of violent moments flash in Thomas’s mind—a broken table, Elie’s horrified face, and Ivy screaming. Text (Caption): "Fragments of memory hit me... like shards of glass."

Panel 3 Close-up of Thomas’s face, tears streaming as he clutches his head in despair. Daniel: "No... No! This isn’t real!" “ no no no no what did I do”

Page 25 Panel 1 Thomas stumbles out of the cabin into the snow, falling to his knees. The snow around him turns red with his blood. Text (Caption): "I took everything from them..." Panel 2 Page 1 Panel 1 Wide shot of a snowy, creepy rural town. Dark clouds loom overhead, casting an eerie shadow over the small, deserted buildings.

Panel 2 Close-up of Thomas, a man in his early 30s with an anxious expression. He grips the steering wheel tightly as he drives.

Panel 3 Inside the car. Elie (Thomas’s wife) in her late 20s, gazes out the window. In the backseat, Ivy, their daughter a happy girl (around 6 years old), plays with a stuffed animal. Ivy: "Look, Mommy! My bunny can fly!" Page 2 Panel 1 Thomas car pulls into a run-down gas station. Snowflakes fall softly, adding to the sense of isolation.

Panel 2 Thomas steps out of the car, wearing a light jacket ( thinks he should’ve brought a warmer one). He looks at the gas station sign, which flickers dimly.

Panel 3 Close-up of the gas station clerk. He’s middle-aged with shifty eyes, an uneven smile, and a sense of unease about him.

Page 3 Panel 1 Thomas approaches the counter, speaking to the clerk. The atmosphere inside the gas station is dim and grimy. Daniel: "Hey, I need directions to the everette estate." Panel 2 The clerk leans forward, his eyes narrowing, making him appear suspicious. Clerk: "Everette , huh? Folks don’t go up there much anymore." Panel 3 Thomas shrugs, trying to lighten the mood. Daniel: "Well, I guess I’m not ‘most folks.’ Just inherited the house—figured we’d check it out." Page 4 Panel 1 The clerk scribbles directions on a piece of paper but looks uneasy, glancing up at Thomas with hesitation. Clerk: "Take the old highway... and watch out for the woods." Panel 2 Thomas takes the paper, nodding politely as he glances back at his car where Elie and Ivy wait. Daniel: "Thanks." Panel 3 The clerk smirks slightly as Thomas turns to leave. His smile is unsettling. Clerk (thought bubble): “ Good luck at that old place” Page 5 Panel 1 Thomas gets back into the car, where Elie looks at him expectantly. Elie: "Did you find out where we’re going?" Panel 2 The car drives down a snowy road, surrounded by trees. The landscape feels increasingly isolated.

Panel 3 Elie looks worried, glancing at Thomas. Elie: "Do you think we should’ve stayed in town? Just for the night?" Page 6 Panel 1 Ivy leans forward in her seat, giggling as she points out the window. Ivy: "Daddy, look! A deer!" Panel 2 Thomas notices the deer in the road ahead, frozen in place as the snow falls around it. He begins pulling over to the side. Daniel: "Hang on—looks like it’s stuck." Panel 3 Close-up of the deer. It stands perfectly still, its wide eyes giving off a deer in headlights look. Page 7 Panel 1 Thomas steps out of the car cautiously, motioning to his family to stay inside. Daniel: "Stay put. I’ll see what’s going on." Panel 2 Elie looks hesitant, but Ivy, curious and eager, leans against the door, excited. Ivy: "I wanna see the deer, Mommy!" Panel 3 Despite Thomas’s warning, Ivy jumps out following her dad. Elie: "Ivy, get back here!." Page 8 Panel 1 Thomas cautiously approaches the deer, his breath visible in the freezing air. The deer remains eerily calm.

Panel 2 In the background, Elie and Ivy stand a few feet back. Elie whispers to Ivy, trying to keep her quiet. Elie (whispering): "It’s okay, sweetie. Let Daddy handle it." Panel 3 Suddenly, the deer bolts into the woods, its movements quick and startling. Page 9 Panel 1 Thomas freezes in place, surprised, then turns back toward his family. Daniel: "Well, look she got herself out.." Panel 2 Elie looks up at the sky, worried as the snowfall begins to intensify. Elie: "We should get back in the car. This storm’s getting worse." Panel 3 Thomas starts walking back to the car, but something feels off. He glances around uneasily. Page 10 Panel 1 A wide shot of the car. One of the rear tires is completely flat, sunk into the snow.

Panel 2 Close-up of Thomas’s shocked expression as he realizes the problem. Thomas: "Well… looks like we have a flat tire. Panel 3 Ivy watches the snow from inside the car, clutching her stuffed animal. Elie looks worried not wanting to be stuck in the town. Elie: "Oh no..." Page 11 Panel 1 Thomas frantically looks around, scanning the area for any sign of help. Thomas: "There’s gotta be someone nearby who can help." Panel 2 Elie pulls out her phone, holding it up, but the screen reads "No Signal." She looks frustrated and anxious. Elie: "No service. Great." Panel 3 Thomas tries to calm them down, speaking with forced confidence. Thomas: "Okay, let’s not panic. We’ll walk back to the gas station. It’s not far only." Page 12 Panel 1 The family walks down the snowy road, bundled in their coats. Ivy clings to Elie, shivering as they struggle through the snow.

Panel 2 The shadows of the forest seem to grow darker and closer, creating an ominous atmosphere.

Panel 3 Ivy looks up at Elie, trembling, holding her hand tightly. Ivy: "Mommy... it’s so cold." Page 13 Panel 1 Thomas glances behind him, sensing something or someone watching them. His breath quickens as his unease grows.

Panel 2 Elie walks close to Thomas, whispering nervously. Elie: "How far are we from the gas station?" Panel 3 Ivy points toward the woods, wide-eyed, interrupting. Ivy: "Daddy, I saw something!" Page 14 Panel 1 Thomas urges them to keep walking, his voice steady but tense. Thomas: "It’s just your imagination. Let’s keep moving." Panel 2 A rustling sound comes from the bushes nearby, making all three freeze in place. Sound Effect: CRUNCH! Panel 3 Close-up of Thomas,s face, his eyes darting toward the sound. His expression is tense and worried.

Page 15 Panel 1 Elie kneels beside Ivy, whispering soothing words as the little girl clings to her coat. Elie: "It’s okay, sweetie. We’re fine." Panel 2 The wind howls through the trees, making them creak and groan ominously. Sound Effect: WHOOOOSH! Panel 3 In the background, a shadowy figure flits between the trees, barely visible.

Page 16 Panel 1 Twigs snap loudly behind them. All three turn, panic written across their faces. Sound Effect: SNAP! Panel 2 Thomas raises a hand, trying to keep them calm despite his fear. Thomas: "Don’t worry it's just the animals in the forest” Panel 3 The family huddles together, their faces pale with fear as the woods grow darker. Page 17 Panel 1 The snowy landscape becomes denser. The trees seem to close in around the family, creating a claustrophobic feeling.

Panel 2 Close-up of Thomas’s face. Sweat drips down his brow despite the cold, his expression a mix of desperation and fear. Thomas (thought): "It’s okay…. Only a few more km to the gas station.” Panel 3 Elie glances back, her expression frozen in terror as she spots something moving in the shadows behind them. Elie (whispering): "Thomas… this feels off I don’t like this." Page 18 Panel 1 Ivy screams as she trips over a snow-covered root, falling face-first into the snow. Ivy: "Ahh!" Panel 2 Thomas rushes to help Ivy up, his heart racing as he kneels beside her. Ivy clings to him, crying. Thomas: "It’s okay, you’re okay!" Panel 3 Elie looks back at the dark woods, wide-eyed with terror, as she urges them to hurry. Elie: "We need to keep moving!" Page 19 Panel 1 Ivy suddenly sees the deer from earlier, standing at the edge of the woods, its calm presence contrasting with the chaos. Ivy (excited): "Look! The deer!" Panel 2 Before anyone can stop her, Ivy runs after the deer into the woods, her laughter echoing in the silence. Elie: "Ivy! Stop!" Panel 3 Elie immediately takes off after Ivy, panic written on her face as she disappears into the woods. Elie: "Wait! Don’t go too far!" Page 20 Panel 1 Close-up of Thomas’s face, panic and dread overwhelming him as he begins to run after them. Daniel: "No... wait, we don’t know these woods!" Panel 2 The dark trees loom closer, their twisted branches creating haunting silhouettes. Thomas’s voice echoes in the distance. Thomas (off-panel): "Ivy! Elie!" Panel 3 Wide shot of the woods as Thomas runs deeper, his form small and lost among the massive trees. Page 21 Panel 1 The forest grows darker and more menacing. Thomas calls out desperately, his voice breaking. Thomas: "Where are you?!" Panel 2 Montage of smaller panels showing Thomas searching frantically, stumbling over roots, and glancing around with increasing desperation. Text (Caption): "Minutes pass... then what feels like hours. Dread begins to creep in." Panel 3 The light begins to fade as night falls, shrouding the forest in an oppressive darkness. Page 22 Panel 1 Thomas trips over a fallen tree, crashing hard to the ground. Snow scatters around him as his head hits the trunk. Sound Effect: THUD! Panel 2 Thomas wakes up in the snow, groggy and disoriented. Blood stains his coat, and he clutches his abdomen, revealing a deep wound. Thomas: "Ugh... What happened?" Panel 3 Stumbling to his feet, Thomas struggles forward, leaving a trail of blood in the snow. Page 23 Panel 1 Through the trees, Thomas spots an old, decrepit cabin, half-hidden by the falling snow. It looks abandoned and eerie. Thomas (thought): "A cabin... I need shelter." Panel 2 The cabin’s door creaks as Thomas pushes it open. The interior is dark and cluttered with broken furniture and scattered debris and blood on the walls

Panel 3 Close-up of Thomas’s face as he looks around cautiously. He feels a presence watching him. Thomas (thought): "Oh god…. What happened here." Page 24 Panel 1 Thomas glances toward the cabin window. Outside, a shadowy figure stands motionless, watching him. Its outline is barely visible through the frost-covered glass.

Panel 2 Flashback panel. Blurry images of violent moments flash in Thomas’s mind—a broken table, Elie’s horrified face, and Ivy screaming. Text (Caption): "Fragments of memory hit me... like shards of glass." Panel 3 Close-up of Thomas’s face, tears streaming as he clutches his head in despair. Daniel: "No... No! This isn’t real!" “ no no no no what did I do” Page 25 Panel 1 Thomas stumbles out of the cabin into the snow, falling to his knees. The snow around him turns red with his blood. Text (Caption): "I took everything from them..." Panel 2 Flashback overlay. Thomas sees himself in rage, Elie and Ivy pleading for him to stop. His own screams echo in his head. Text (Caption): "I can’t escape it... I can’t undo it." Elie: Thomas snap out of it!! Please Thomas fight it we need you” Panel 3 Wide shot of Thomas lying face-down in the snow, his hand going limp as the snowfall intensifies around him. Text (Caption): "In the cold embrace of fate... I succumb." Page 26 : Closing Scene Panel 1 A wide shot of the forest, silent and peaceful. Snow falls gently, covering all traces of what occurred. Text (Caption): "The woods never tell... only keep secrets."

Panel 2 Flashback overlay. Thomas sees himself in rage, Elie and Ivy pleading for him to stop. His own screams echo in his head. Text (Caption): "I can’t escape it... I can’t undo it." Elie: Thomas snap out of it!! Please Thomas fight it we need you”

Panel 3 Wide shot of Thomas lying face-down in the snow, his hand going limp as the snowfall intensifies around him. Text (Caption): "In the cold embrace of fate... I succumb." Page 26 : Closing Scene Panel 1 A wide shot of the forest, silent and peaceful. Snow falls gently, covering all traces of what occurred. Text (Caption): "The woods never tell... only keep secrets."