Puer's, Assemble!
I am going to unofficially open up a study on this phenomena. My intentions are to gather data, and to gather people who are seeking for truth, and not a pill. Here, I am meaning pill metaphorically to mean that I want to gather people who aren't looking for an answer (or a 'THE answer') that will help 'change' them. IME, to attempt to change something is to not love it, and to not love it is in effect to try to kill it. And while there are many perspectives that can handle the question 'why do I suffer', one of them is a lack of love; to not love something within, is to be in conflict with oneself forever.
An interesting point is that the verbal atmosphere surrounding puers is almost unanimously one of despair; wanting to change, but not able to, shame at being the way one is, feeling ineffective in life etc. I find myself in a similar situation that can be described as puer-like, so I am not trying to offer advice, but rather I want to open discussion among people who feel this way who may also have felt shame at speaking openly and honestly of their situation, as I have many times in the past. And while I do not offer advice, there is a motive behind this in that understanding something, a change will occur, not a change willed like melting a shaped metal down to cast it again in another form, but more like putting light on a flower ready to bloom.
I have a background in philosophy and creative writing, where I studied Jung with my philosophy professor. I have spent post-college years wandering inwardly, learning about eastern wisdom, primarily Indian, with notable second-hand experience with Krishnamurti, Sadhguru, and Alan Watts. I write this because I want the reader to know that I have an appreciation for things outside the realm of psychology, which helps give a certain perspective to what I say. I think Jung said it rightly when he said something to the affect of 'Learn the words, learn the techniques, but when boots hit the ground, drop them, and just be with them.'
'Know all the theories, master all the techniques, but as you touch a human soul be just another human soul.'
In the fashion of The Whale, I will write unabashedly the key points regarding what may be referred to as my 'puer aeturnus' experience, the story of the 'I'. There are questions here, which I would like any to answer if they wish. All questions have a preface of asking 'self-described puer's', that is to say if something about it resonates as true to you, I would like to hear it.
- I am currently 31(m), and after many 'failed' attempts at both spiritual and material power, I have found myself back at square one, my mother's house. Are there others in this situation? I am looking for a connection between the puer and mother dependency. Or any other manifested dependency.
- I have not been able to maintain a steady job, almost always imploding or self-destructing in some way. Is this a common theme (in some way)? If so, what has been your perceived relationship to the job?
- Each day I feel the desire to use the mind to plan a future, each idea promising, but with many branching options, of which I feel fear at picking the 'wrong choice'. This conflicts with the 'moment to moment' feeling I have, of being in a state where I really do feel that nothing is needed, and that to reach out is a form of greed, of not being able to appreciate what I have. This also coincides with a feeling of shame at not having an ambition. There are a few questions lurking here, one is 'are self-described puer's inwardly conflicted in a similar way?'
- I grew up in typical American culture, and yet have been drawn strongly to other culture's ways of perceiving the world. Q: If this is a similar experience, which culture have you been drawn to? What have you learned from it?
- A bit out of the ballpark, but: Do you feel like you know something other's do not know, and are afraid to speak of?
- How often do you use imagination a day?
- While I think it a mite unwise to identify with a word (a box), but in the past, and present, my attraction has been towards other guys. My question here is what is your outward attraction towards; the question here being 'is there a link between the puer aeturnus and sexuality?'
Keep in mind those who comment I will want to enter dialogue with. I will approach the questioning as if we are two people walking down a path, both attending to truth, neither of us trying to defend a conclusion, but rather walking together as two friends might as the evening turns to starlight, a shared journey without push or pull.
If you would just like to give data, and not enter into questioning, please note that in your reply. And please feel free to offer anything else you deem important.
Thanks for reading.
-Nathaniel