Cousin's Comments

My first cousin came over last night to pay respects for my grandma who had passed away. He came to my room and it was just us two. I don't even know how he brought it up, but he basically out of no where said I was too invested in what's going on in Israel. He went on to give his opinions for over an hour. Ranging anywhere from Netanyahu is bombarding Gaza, to Hamas was propped up by him and are fighting to return to Jerusalem, but that he condemns them and Hezbollah, etc. etc. It was so much balogney that he was saying that I can't even remember it all, but it was beyond disturbing. I had to check him a couple time, as I am very educated on the conflict and literally told him that the Palestinians were offered a state and rejected it, which he acknowledged, but he kept trying to place me in their shoes, for no reason at all. Like my grandma literally just died. He wouldn't even accept that Hebrew is a Canaanite language and kept trying to act like he knew everything. He said that he stands with Israel, but he obviously has opinions that I far from agree with and did not want to hear, especially during this time. He also was being critical of how Jews keep the Sabbath, by saying that he thinks we just find loopholes, when it should be about "connecting with the elements" and restraining ourselves from things like hot foods. He obviously knows nothing about Judaism or Shabbat, given the fact that it is supposed to be a time of joy. I told him that I used to think he was antisemitic because of how critical he was of the Tanakh and he obviously still is antisemitic. I wish I would have just told him to get the hell out of my room and that he's an idiot and an antisemite, but I felt no way to speak up for myself or my religion. Especially considering everything going on right now. I've been trying to keep my distance from him as best as I can because he always does stuff like this. I obviously love him, but he is not well and has opened up to me before about having sociopathic tendencies. I also tried giving him some questions back to make it less awkward and it turns out that he does believe in G-d but he's Christian and believes that Jesus is G-d, which I told him I obviously don't, which he seemed to be respectful of and said that my book (Tanakh) is his book as well, so he appreciates Judaism in some sense. For some background, I have been undergoing an Orthodox Jewish conversion, as my mother is not Jewish, but did have an Orthodox conversion that was deemed "non-kosher". Obviously this has led people like my cousin to be involved in my life, though my mother's family has typically been very supportive of me, he is the only one I've really received comments like this from. Obviously I have heard other things from his brother as well, sympathizing with the Palestinians, but nothing so insane. This has just been one of the hardest weeks of my life, as I lost my grandma and was told that my cousin from my mother's side had overdosed and died, but she was just missing and has now been found alive. I am so grateful for the Jewish community and everything that I have gained from being involved, but this really made me realize how alone we actually are, from receiving such nasty comments from my own blood. It really is hard to be a Jew sometimes, but I am in no way losing my commitment to Yiddishkeit, and it makes me only want to be stronger and build a huge Jewish family of my own with a beautiful family based on Jewish values and a Torah lifestyle. Torah is everything to me and without it I'd be so lost, and it hurts to not feel respected by someone so close to me. It sucks that I have to distance myself from someone who I truly believe is an anti-semite, but at the same time is my cousin. Ugh, please daven for me ya'll, Hashem is really testing me.