Daily struggles / fights over every single thing? Kids have been adopted for 5 years, but the "window of tolerance" for anything is soooooo low. Struggle to eat, get dressed, pack a backpack. It's absolutely exhausting. Anyone else experience this?

We adopted our boy and girl about 5 years ago. They're good kids, but the daily struggles to do anything are just absolutely exhausting. Our boy will cry about having to find something to eat for breakfast. He takes 90 minutes to eat anything, and is motivated to do absolute anything. Crying and feeling overwhelmed by having to bring his backpack in, eat a few muffins for breakfast, or take the dog out to go the bathroom. HE goes to therapy, is on ADHD medication, and we work to provide him every opportunity for help that we can.

Our 9 year old is in a similar boat. Very little motivation to do anything and any changes in expectations cause an absolute meltdown / shutdown.

We've given up pushing to enroll them in sports or music. Practicing anything is just perceived as this absolute torture and they constantly lament that their lives are too hard. And if we push them to do it, it just builds this resent and hatred.

My wife and I are absolutely exhausted, but are absolutely intentional about everything. We publish a weekly schedule ahead of time, involve them in weekly planning, ask them what they would like to do, warn them ahead of time about any changes in the schedule, provide 3-5 breakfast options every morning, give them 1:1 help with homework after school, present various interests and encourage them to pursue things they're interested in, etc.

But everything is an absolute battle. Brushing hair, brushing teeth, getting dressed, eating food, etc. It's like the basic things to be a human are beyond them. We have worked very hard to recalibrate our expectations, empathize, normalize their feelings, pick battles, eliminate anything that isn't necessary, and it's all been in vain.

We all go to therapy, individually and collectively. We take time to do fun things. We read books with them, we talk everyday about how to handle different situations before they come up, and have met almost no parents who are more methodical and intentional than we are, but are just exhausted at the losing battle every single day.

Not sure if I'm really looking for suggestions (I could offer hours more of context before it would be helpful), but probably some validation that we aren't the only ones out there who are sometimes honestly counting down the days until they leave the house sometimes....