I’m not afraid of the Epipen shot, I’m afraid of going to the ER. Who can relate?

I’ve had food allergies all my life but somehow managed to treat every exposure with Benadryl up until now. I’ve never had to use my epipen before, but looking back, there were a few cases where it was probably warranted.

For a long time I thought I was afraid of the needle. And like many people, I didn’t know if I’d be overreacting for an allergic reaction that maybe could’ve gone away without epipen intervention. I’ve finally realized that the reason I’m scared of the epipen is because I know you’re supposed to go to the hospital after using it, and that seems like such an overwhelming experience. And quite frankly, I have social anxiety and hate the idea of this type of attention.

I know I’m gambling with my life and I hate it. I feel ashamed that I’m letting my fear of embarrassment override my life-threatening allergies. This past year I went to the hospital for the first time for an allergic reaction because the symptoms would not go away despite taking Benadryl. I’ve also heard that apparently Benadryl isn’t even the recommended course of treatment anymore…

I felt like I might have to use my epipen but was so scared of how much chaos it would bring (calling 911, having an ambulance arrive, getting stared at and potentially even having weirdos take my photo). Instead, I went to the ER, explained my situation, and they gave me steroids and monitored me before saying I was safe to go. This still felt like a less embarrassing scenario than using the epipen and having to be rushed to the ER by ambulance or a loved one.

Ultimately I plan to make an appointment with an allergist to help me separate placebo effects from real allergic reactions so I can gain confidence. But I’m curious to hear if anyone can relate to my general experience. I’ve heard a lot of people mention their fear of the epipen needle, but not so much the social anxiety and embarrassment of going to the hospital.