Without Christ, I am nothing.

How many of ya'll grew up with this pounded into your head every week? And then proceeded to brainwash yourself everyday doing devos?

This was a phrase I clung to like a goddamn addict. And yes, I now realize this religion was an addiction for me because it allowed me to believe and justify the immense self loathing taught by Vangie psychosis. I gloried in being "nothing". In being "broken". I've been going through my belief system piece by piece and the things that come up now are absolutely insane to me. The sheer amount of self hate built into the system sets people up for a lifetime of disassociation and a complete inability to relate to themselves, much less other humans. And we're taught to LOVE it!!

The sense of worthlessness without Christ is something I'm finding fundamental to my sense of being now. It was something that brought me peace since I had the antidote, but now it's like breaking and resetting limbs that grew dysfunctional. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever walk "normally".