Update #7: My ex came back after 3.5 years apart
I am still getting people messaging me for updates, lol, so here I am again.
My ex is an avoidant, and as per usual, he was hot and then cold. He is cold again. He was texting and seeing me all of the time, then the seeing each other slowed down, and then the texting.
Unfortunately for him, I have become a secure attachment vs anxious and no longer care. If he wants to be in my life, great. If he doesn't, great. I am fine either way. I used to anxiously contact him and see if he would respond. Not anymore. He can enjoy his silence. :)
People have asked me what I have done to "fix" my attachment style. This is what I did:
- Went to therapy. I know this isn't always an option. For me this was very helpful to see why I was anxious attached and how to heal. I healed my inner child.
- I read the book "Attached". This helped greatly.
- I looked inward at myself and figured out things that I do that are anxious and ideas how to change them.
- I put #3 in action.
- I worked on my BOUNDARIES. This is huge. I had NO boundaries. I worked on communicating with people, especially men that I was dating after my ex.
- I worked on my self-esteem. I thought I was never good enough but realized that I am pretty rad and any man would be lucky to have me.
- I changed my friend circle. I was surrounding myself with mentally unwell individuals ("toxic"). I made new friends.
- I watch Coach Craig Kenneth. I do not do the workbooks OR pay for his therapy. I find it too expensive, but his videos opened up my eyes to avoidants and calmed my anxiety.
- I stopped dating. I used to be a compulsive dater, especially after break ups. But I forced myself to stay single and learn how to be alone.
I will update if I remember anything else, but that is what I did. Journaling also helped me calming my thoughts.
Hope this helps!