Letting go is hard

Every day I think about the time last year. We were happy and having fun with each other. We shared a lot of memories. I lost my virginity to him. He was my everything, he still kinda is. It hurts, how can I just let all of that go? I am in no way capable of just moving on from all that like it meant nothing. It meant everything to me. My heart is still loyal to him. I often sit there and wonder. Does he feel the same way? Does he miss me? How is he doing? And it hurts so much