Day 4 of NC , she initiated it first.

Me M22 and my EX-GF F21 , she dumped me , 4 days ago. We were dating for 2.5 years, 2 years of doing LDR and 6 month of dating in person, long story short, we broke up because of a frequent argument, plus because she kinda feel fed up , regarding school, working and other stuff, she kinda add saying, LDR was effecting her as well, might be yes , might be not, i only able to trust her on that part.

We have a “break” for a week, due to fight/argument, that led to a good 2 months where we did have fights/arguments, but it was very minimal.

She didn’t blocked me, but unfollowed me only on instagram, i delete my TikTok and life360 (gps apps for couple) just because i know she wont delete those two apps because her mum also checking her location (since she is abroad) and i dont use tiktok that much, but she still have me on facebook, what’s app and iMessage/Facetime.

I believe she initiated NC , with out realising it, but knowing for a fact, i did message her friend, and it was a mistake on my part, thingking that i did a solid part where i texted one of her BFF saying we are no in relationship, and i wanted to make sure that her BFF taking care of her, in reality, her other BFF texted me , saying it’s upsetting her, because she got people that message her knowing she broke up with out her saying it to them (because she already stress from other stuff) , so that’s purely my fault, her BFF told me, to dont act impulsively, and just start thingking about ourselves and healing from this.

From what i can tell, i haven’t started healing yet, any song, video, colour , food or anything that i know about her, it reminds me of her. Even working , seeing somebody dress the same, or even having the same things as her, it kept reminds me of her.

I wont say the love is one sided, definitely not, i know for a fact that she loves me, i was her first love, and she was the 5th, but , i never felt love like this, maybe it’s true that, i love her more, more than she love me.

Part of me wants to say, we have an argument, we have fights, but those “break” really improve our relationship, i mean, i did say it, when she broke up with me, and her choice to say break up , wasnt on impulse, she did took a day off , and i kinda felt the “break-up” aura from her a day before the break up, but because she was emotional, she cried alot on the facetime, and she rarely cried, that’s why i know it’s actually true and emotionally burdening her, so nothing that i say was going through her, as she really stubborn as i do, and i mention , are there any chance you will re-consider, and she kept saying “i wont reconsider”, and stop saying about reconsidering the relationship, and just talking how is it beautiful of a relationship between me and her.

I would be lying to say, that i wont expecting her to message me again, but, i dont know, she’s quite hard headed, stubborn when she already pick her choice. Maybe anybody can share their experience if you guys has a similar girlfriend/partner ?

Anywho, i know that i wont wait, i’m still healing since the wound is still fresh. I’m still trying to get out off bed and doing something so i cant start to forget about her day by day.

i weight around 81kg around 4 days ago, now i weight around 76/77. Was going to the gym, but nothing works, dont feel like i have any energy, i was planning to go bouldering after this post, but we’ll see how it is.