I think i might have gotten brain damage

A few years ago, I had a seizure while sleeping. According to my parents, I was unconscious for about 20 minutes. My first memory after that is waking up in an ambulance. Ever since that event, my life has taken a dramatic turn.

I can’t shake the feeling that something changed in my brain that day—maybe even some form of brain damage. However, this hasn’t been medically checked or confirmed; all I have is the diagnosis of epilepsy.

I’ve noticed significant changes in my mental abilities. My memory feels unreliable—I forget things quickly, lose track of conversations, and often feel like I’ve lost my sense of direction in life. Tasks requiring even basic intelligence seem harder than ever before.

One of my dreams is to perform on stage as a DJ, playing a professional song that I’ve produced, with people enjoying and dancing to it. I’ve been following free music production tutorials occasionally, but I often feel overwhelmed. It’s as if every attempt to focus drains me more, and concentrating is getting increasingly difficult.

My current situation is bleak. I’m 23, live in Germany and still financially dependent on my parents, but even they are struggling. My father is unemployed, and my mother works a low-income "Minijob." Despite applying to over 100 jobs—ranging from IT (I completed an apprenticeship as an IT Management Assistant) to cashier and warehouse positions—I’ve had no success. I even lost my last job after six months because I wasn’t fast enough. My application suits the norm, so there is no need to adress that. (I had only a few job interviews in total)

On top of that, I don’t qualify for unemployment benefits (Arbeitslosengeld) because I didn’t work long enough in my previous job. I also don’t qualify for "Bürgergeld" due to my parents' combined income, even though it’s barely enough for them. As a result, I have to pay for private health insurance, which costs €210 a month—money I simply don’t have.

To make matters worse, my epilepsy has left me unable to drive, even though I have a driver’s license. My reaction time has deteriorated significantly, adding to my fear of being behind the wheel.

This past Christmas was especially devastating. Two days before the holiday, my girlfriend broke up with me. It was a crushing blow, leaving me feeling utterly alone. My friendships are limited, and while I try to go out occasionally to have fun and enjoy a few drinks, it’s a fleeting escape.

Despite everything, I’m still trying. I apply for jobs, even though rejection feels inevitable. I’m learning about music production, but my brain’s inability to retain information makes it an uphill battle. I’m also trying to stay social and maybe even find a new relationship.

I don’t want to believe that I’ve become unintelligent, but my mental sharpness has undeniably declined. Even things I used to enjoy, like gaming, are losing their appeal.

I feel stuck in a cycle where nothing works out. I’ve done everything I can think of to change my circumstances, but the weight of it all is crushing me. Still, deep down, I hold onto the hope that one day I’ll break free from this and live the life I dream of.

i wrote the text by myself but i beautified it by the help of chatgpt.