Hitting a wall in EMDR

I have done EMDR on and off for the past few years, and I always end up hitting a wall at a certain point.

I can talk about how things affect me in generalized terms and keep a loose narrative of what has traumatized me, but when we start doing the deeper work of confronting the actual abuse, neglect, and violence, and the particular feelings they left me with, my brain and body just freak out. I usually end up with my brain jumbled or heavily dissociating and unable to speak or do anything really.

I think it might be a shame or vulnerability thing? It’s like I’m really afraid to admit the things that have happened to me and experience myself as having been victimized—it feels like everything will unravel and I won’t trust myself. I kinda get the ick too. I also really struggle to let myself cry or anything like that during session. I told my therapist that it feels like I could spill over but I keep feeling myself push everything down/hold it in. It’s also so hard to experience any kind of release this way.

Has anyone else experienced this? Have you been able to get past the wall? Are there ways you navigate the vulnerability of EMDR?