TIFU by Fixing My Starter Motor

What’s up gang, first post here. Welcome to my TIFU:E30 edition. Obligatory “this happened last week” as I’ve needed some time to emotionally recover from my fuck-up.

So Tuesday morning I go out to my garage (dimly lit, cold, new-England one-car garage) planning to fire up my ‘88 325i vert to head to work (yes I daily my vert in New England, f the haters, turn up the heat (yeah, I’m an idiot(foreshadowing))) and guess what, she doesn’t start. I find it odd because I just ran out to grab avocados for NYE guac the evening before. Not to mention all my lights are on per usual startup, battery shows 12V on a DMM, no click, no crank. I assume she’s dead and my luck's run out.

So I call my boss and tell him the deal, he’s chill as he had a buddy with an E30 once, knew starters could go bad in these cars. Told me to WFH until I put a new starter in. Almost had to uber to work for a week, dodged that bullet. I’m annoyed but order a new starter, express shipped, so I can get to work in the new year.

Starter comes in, I’m mechanically inclined but no wizard, takes me an afternoon and a few trips to the box stores with the gf's reliable new VW (she rubs that in, of course) to get an 18” long wrench to reach those god-forsaken mounting bolts (iykyk) and other tools totaling about $200. After about 4 hours I complete the swap.

Go to fire her up and hope to hear the sweet sweet sound of a speedy new starter motor…and get the same issue, no click no crank. I’m straight tilted, yell at the garage door for a bit, kick my old starter for causing this, etc.

I begin the miserable process of reading the online forums, find another guy with the same chain of events replacing all his engine-to-chassis grounds. I do the process of checking all the lines for voltage, discover my solenoid isn’t getting power upon key turn-but not just lesser voltage-like 0.1V when the key is in the start position. I check my battery lines for continuity and everything is good to go. I'm fed up and it's been a rough day or so since I began the journey.

My buddy is an ex-Bosch mechanic, so I buy a pizza and six pack and radio for support. He tells me this sweet idea to take a conductive rod and make contact from the engine to the chassis and try a start, so I prepare for his arrival and execution of that plan.

We do the plan. Nothing works. We look it all over. We take out the starter and bench test it, it works. We swap out the engine ground, still no start. Put it back in, cursing at it, and do more contuinty/voltage DMM checks. That’s when my buddy, who is a saint for dealing with my bullshit, battling a bad back, asks to swap roles with me so he can turn the key and give his back a break while I take DMM measurements. He turns the key, nothing happens, same electrical values. He then looks down, whispers “Jesus Christ” from the cab, and the car roars to life.

For nearly a week, throughout a small motor teardown, new strater motor swap, days of effort, $400 in parts & tools, the car was in reverse. I was so excited about my avocados I forgot to put it in park.

I’m considering never doing my own work again. Luckily he’s still my friend, somehow. Car starts better than ever before now. Thinking about trading my car for a bicycle. Much more simple machines for my tiny brain.

TLDR: Starter went, had to WFH for a week, got a new one. Put it in. Car didn’t start. Called mechanic friend for support. After hours of perplexing findings he discovers I left the car in reverse, instead of park.