CA here - how you guys doing?

So I drink about a liter bottle of vodka per day. I got out of rehab back in August. Unfortunately because of my position on probation and parole, I wasn't able to land a spot in sober living. And I had the worst counselor ever.

So I kept drinking and drinking. Sometimes I'll wean myself down to the point where the withdrawals don't seem so bad. And then I totally fuck up my taper, and am back where I started.

Chronic anxiety, shortness of breath (severe), sweating, shaking (severe), dizziness, high BP...etc. Occasionally some hallucinations.

The last time I went to the hospital for detox they just shook their heads, and treated me like the scumbag motherfucker I feel like every day. So that didn't work. I'm worried I might have a seizure - I have history of it.

Anyway, just wanted to vent. I'm living in my parents garage atm. Spiders crawling on my face and biting me all night. Is this self-pity, or is this warranted?

Let me know in the comments. Thanks!