Please help 😭

My (F29) pain management office, who for the last year and a half since my endometriosis surgery (diagnosed stage 2) has been really helpful is cutting off my 15 hydrocodone a month with no warning and I have not been able to get a straight answer as to why. I did become very emotional in my last appointment after two weeks in 8/10 pain, an urgent care visit, and and ER visit.

The actual prescribing doctor says it’s because she’s concerned about my concurrent lorazepam use. I have taken 1mg lorazepam nightly to sleep for 6 years. I also have PMDD which exacerbates my lifelong insomnia. I’ve tried so many different meds and this is the one that works with no side effects. I’ve never asked to go up, tried tapering last year, never miss an appointment, and am overall a compliant patient. She has been prescribing me the hydrocodone while knowing about the lorazepam the last year and a half with no issue. I have also never missed an appointment with her. She suggested I try the new addition of microdosing buprenorphine and she was holding the early release of my hydrocodone. She changed the notes after the appointment to indicate she would no longer be prescribing the med (see photos attached).

I’ve spoken with the resident social worker and behavioral health person, neither of those appointments went well or were productive. They both agree I need some kind of rescue meds, they were just very unclear, oftentimes contradicting what the other said. Today she said my hydrocodone WASN’T in fact cut off, I was just trialing without it. I have (I think rightfully so) gotten frustrated and cried in both these appointments. The BH person said today I “don’t understand the impact of how I’m behaving”. I have significant medical trauma and have experienced this kind of gaslighting and being kicked over to psych before. I understand how this goes.

I am expecting my period within the next week and have 4 hydrocodone left. I’m already starting to flare. They 3 intense cortisone dumps haven’t helped. The best they can do is a joint appointment with BH and my prescriber in “a few weeks”. No plan for how I’m going to get through this next period. When I express extreme fear of this I get looked at like a crazy person. They INSIST they aren’t withholding meds as punishment, but keep returning to my tone and how I spoke to my prescriber, which was a raised voice and some swearing. They’re saying I didn’t treat her like a human. So which is it the fear of the lorazepam I’ve been on the entire time or a punishment for being rude, to me it’s sounding like the latter which is pretty unethical?

I’m a good patient 😭 I do so much research. I put in so much time and energy trying to be better. I want to work WITH my providers. I can only do so much late in my luteal phase, confused & scared, and not able to get a straight answer on my medication before I snap. I honestly don’t see a future with this office and have no idea what to do. Please help me 😭