homosexuality is well...exhausting

It just makes everything so much more difficult than ever before.

Some LGBTQ people wouldn't accept you because youre still attached to your faith despite your sexuality.

Some Christians will tell you that you're going to hell despite being saved (💀?)

Then if you are public or open about been queer to your Christian community then you're "parading your sin"

Your Christian family won't accept you. Some are more strict on this than others. And even if they did accept you, they won't look at you the same way.

People will tell you to "deny yourself" which sound so righteous, amazing, and cool on paper but in reality it's strenuous and difficult to deny yourself a loving relationship that you've wanted since you were just a child.

In fact I've been denying myself for years. Claiming I was straight but in the back of my head crushing on other females. Not because I lust after them. everyone thinks it's all lust. And while it very well can be. Sometimes you just genuinely have a thing for someone without thinking of getting in their pants. In fact I've caught myself lusting more after men than women. 😭

And to put a bow on it, people will debate over bible verses until the end of time. So you'll never have a clear written out answer. And even if we assumed homosexuality isn't a sin, many of us still have internalized homophobia on ourselves.

But despite the feeling of loneliness and being misunderstood there is always someone who understands us, and someone we can see out for comfort. and that's Jesus, who I am forever thankful for.

It's just...sometimes I wish things weren't this way for me. I wish I was "hard wired" straight (as Cliffe likes to say it haha love that guy)

Edit: thanks for all of the support and advice. i love it all.