Today I'm very lost and confused.

I'm scared of eternity and I don't like what I heard heaven was like also I may be wrong , for me but I think this isn't freedom I want true freedom to do what I choose for eternity. I feel like im just a servant for God and nothing else and I don't feel good. Christians bring great arguments but so do other people and I don't know what to belive anymore. I was raised in bulgaria and I have been orthodox my entire life but today I think my faith is in shambles. I don't know what to think anymore I don't want hell but also what heaven is I feel like it's not well thought and i feel like it should be something more and something i cant even imagine . And to be clear I'm not atheist I'm 99,99% sure there is something after life and I know again 99% that Jesus was a real person. How do I know if im not in a simulation , how do I know if im the only real one, what if all religions are true but are designed for diferent groups of people. I'm scared.