I want my husband

I yearn for a Godly husband but I know I’m not ready for a relationship. As much as I want it, how do I let go of this desire? How do I surrender this fully? Is it bad to want this? Is it true that when you least expect it it’s when it happens or that when you finally surrender it God gives it to you? Or should I keep holding onto this and keep praying and preparing for my husband? So tired of carrying this feeling and thought around. Truly want my husband and I want to be a wife one day, it just seems so impossible at the moment. Advice, comments, suggestions, prayers, all welcome! Thanks 🙏