Self isolation, loneliness and fear of of letting anyone in.

I self isolate as an obvious maladaptive coping mechanism. I feel safest in my own bubble. Unfortunately this also leads to an unspeakable loneliness. Not a lonliness just anyone could fill either. It's an internal loneliness and not many can ease that discomfort. I isolate and I don't want to let anyone in. I question motives and my walls are so high with little interest in letting them down. I don't want to let someone get to know me anymore. It always feels like I need to explain myself, my family, my past ect and then what.. hope they understand and accept me? Get the hell out of here. No thanks. Even the people I already have relationships with, I very seldom if ever share what's really going on with me. So I feel better isolating but I also can't stand the uncomfortableness of sitting with myself and the profound loneliness that is inside me. None of it makes sense.

Anyone else relate?