I remembered something

I’m not gonna do much lead up and just get into it, but recently I was thinking and remembered a time when my mom spanked me. It’s not the clearest memory but I should’ve been around 3-5 years old (since it happened when my parents were still together) and I think the reason that my mom did that is because that particular day I had eaten too much candy, I don’t exactly remember how it happened but I think she got mad and then grabbed me and hit me with her hand, I don’t remember how many time, might’ve been just the once but it did hurt to sit down afterwards and I don’t remember this but I’m assuming I cried because I cried every day back then.

Now I don’t think she ever did it again, but nowadays she does still get annoyed very easily which scares me a lot even if it’s not directed at me, when she is annoyed at me cause like say I can’t make a decision about what we eat for lunch she makes these kinda aggressive gestures and annoyed groans almost like she wants to strangle me (maybe one time she has said that she can’t cause of cps). One time last year we were talking and I was trying to explain my rejection anxiety and why I’m scared to ask teachers for help and she said I probably heard about rejection anxiety somewhere and someone put it in my head (not to throw shade but that might’ve been her) and as I was trying to explain she grabbed a plushie off the couch and threw it at me, I mean it didn’t hurt but it was needlessly aggressive, and after it I just had to sit there trying to hold in my tears because if I cry it WILL make it worse.

Now I put the flair there just in case but I’m not really sure if it counts as abuse since it’s only really happened twice (well maybe she’s thrown a kitchen towel at me, can’t remember) and even then it wasn’t really severe.