Can You Heal Mentally While Living in the Same Environment Where You Were Abused?

Hi everyone,

I’m a 26-year-old woman living in Germany with my parents and our dachshund, who’s my little best buddy. 🐶❤️ I work part-time as a secretary, but I’m not able to afford living on my own for several reasons. For one, my dog can’t be left alone at home, but this isn’t a problem since my mom is a housewife and is always around to take care of her. My family also has financial difficulties and monthly debts to pay off, and I feel responsible for supporting them in any way I can.

I also struggle with chronic mental health issues like depression, self-harm, eating disorders, and multiple drug dependencies. Right now, I’m only functioning because of my prescriptions. Without them, I’m scared I’d fall into old habits, like self-harming to the point where I’d need medical attention or spiraling into disordered eating patterns.

The challenge I face is that my home is the same environment where a lot of my trauma occurred. Growing up, my mother was very controlling and emotionally unstable, often shouting at us and, on a few occasions, being physically abusive. When I was a teenager, I had no real privacy—even in the bathroom. I could close the door, but it didn’t have a lock, so my mom could walk in anytime to get laundry or use the toilet.

When I was 13 and losing weight rapidly due to disordered eating, my mom emotionally manipulated me by threatening to “set my pet lemmings free” outside if I didn’t eat more. She knew how much I loved them and how terrified I’d be at the thought of them being released into the wild, where they wouldn’t survive. Experiences like that left deep emotional scars.

My father, while not overtly abusive, was emotionally neglectful and distant. He worked long hours and avoided dealing with any of our family’s emotional struggles. He’s a victim of generational trauma himself and is in complete denial about the impact of his own abusive childhood. While my mom’s instability made her actions more visible, both of my parents share equal responsibility for the environment my siblings and I grew up in.

Now, as an adult, I’m wondering: Is it possible to truly heal and improve my mental health while living in this environment? I know my family loves me and would support me financially if I ever needed it, but their involvement in my trauma makes it so hard to feel at peace here. At the same time, I’m scared of living alone because of my mental health and financial limitations.

Have any of you been in a similar situation? Were you able to heal while staying in the same environment, or did you have to leave to make progress? I’d love to hear your thoughts or any advice you might have.