I messed it all up

I messed up everything. I hurt him. It’s been one day of no contact but he’s been heavy on my mind and I miss him so much. I want to be with him but I know he doesn’t want to. He begged me to leave him alone and that he would only ruin me. He’s angry at me and needs space. I’m trying my best to respect his boundaries. He blocked my number but kept me on snap. He said he couldn’t block me off there and advised me to block him instead. But I’m to weak and I can’t do it. I’m fighting the urge to text him and it’s eating at me. I hope he’s okay. Just knowing that he’s there even if we’re not texting gives me some sort of comfort. Like knowing that he’s there somehow. I still want to be with him but I understand that I don’t deserve that right now. I know I made promises, and I broke them. I know I let him down, and im sorry for it.

It’s Christmas Eve, and I keep wishing I could somehow fix things or that he would be back in my life. I keep wondering if he thinks about me too, or if I’ve been forgotten. I hope he’s okay and that hes having a good Christmas. I hope he is able to find peace and happiness, even without me. A part of me holds on to hope but I know it’s stupid of me to do so. I betrayed his trust. I lied.

I really wish I could be with him, to talk, to look into his beautiful green eyes again, to make things right. But I know that’s not possible right now. It makes me sad, thinking about it. I never stopped caring about him, and I’ll never forget the promise I made. Maybe one day, when the time’s right, I’ll be able to keep it. I just hope he’s not too far gone by then. Until then, I’ll just keep asking for your forgiveness, praying and loving you from a distance hoping you’ll give me a chance to make it right someday.

I miss you and I really hope we can find our way back to each other. I’m not giving up on that, even if it takes time. I just hope it won’t be too late.