He found someone new

I was in a relationship that ended early January. I was really depressed and under a lot of stress when I decided to end the relationship. I was honestly just not mentally well enough to be in a relationship at that time, my mom was sick in cancer and I was at the rock bottom. I missed him so much and I contacted him after two months wanting to get back together again but he was really cold and mean. We fought and we didn't have contact for a long time. During this time I found out that he was already in a relationship when we started talking. It made me feel horrible and my image of him just shattered. I was still in love with him though, despite him treating me bad during the hardest time of my life. I've lived with guilt about breaking up for months, I think about it everyday and I've felt like I am the most horrible person ever. Today I found out that he has a new girlfriend. I shouldn't be surprised since I see now that he has a pattern of finding a new girlfriend right after one. I feel so stupid for still being upset. Why can't I move on? Why do I still love him? I feel like I was never loved, like all of it was fake. I forgave him for things he would never forgive me for. I hate myself.