My (27/M) girlfriend (26/F) stopped talking to me after I found out she opened a credit card in my name.
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/tomatoflavored (account now suspended)
My (27/M) girlfriend (26/F) stopped talking to me after I found out she opened a credit card in my name.
TWs: identity theft
Original Post. May 21, 2019
We’ve been dating for about a year now, though we still live apart. Two weeks ago, I received a phone call asking if I was trying to use my credit card about 200 miles away. I immediately said no and to lock my credit card. They did and told me they would re-issue me a new card. Awesome customer service, seemed like they were saving my ass. Last week, I noticed an automatic payment I have tied to my card went through, I thought that was weird so I called my credit card company. They said there was no sign of fraud on my account. WTF.
I thought about it a bit more and my girlfriend has family in the city where they blocked the transaction. I checked my credit report and there it was, a credit card I’ve never seen before. My name is on it but the address is my girlfriend’s house. When I talked to her about it, she said she’s never seen it and knows nothing about it. Yesterday, I was able to call the credit card company and get a list of charges….almost all of them are places she frequents, same hair salon, same restaurant, same coffee shop, same supermarket, everything.
She came over last night and I called her out on it and showed her the list of charges, it adds up to more than $4000. She still denied everything. I told her it wouldn’t be hard to get surveillance footage of the person using the card, especially at the supermarkets, and she absolutely went off on me. She called me controlling, jealous and an awful person for blaming her. She left and texted me to call her when I’ve “decided to grow up”.
I do love this woman but, I’m just at a loss here.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
[deleted]
She’s a fkg criminal! Seriously, she opened up a credit card in your name!!! She has charged $4,000 in YOUR name!!!
Report this awful criminal! What more do you want? She’s obviously going to lie and gaslight you.
Run! And report this B!
katlynsucks
Your girlfriend committed identity theft which is a felony. You have solid evidence it's her that did it and the fact that she still continues to lie about it, even after being called out, is a massive red flag. If she can do something like this only a year in, think about how bad it could get in the future or what other stuff she could lie about.
I would call the bank and tell them you did not know anything about this card, and you still don't. And that they should cancel it immediately. Contact the police and explain your situation. Tell them your identity has been stolen and a card has been set up without your knowledge. Worst comes to worst involve a lawyer, as she has committed fraud you have a strong case.
As for your girlfriend, she is not only lying to you but could possibly be committing 'financial infidelity', which is a dealbreaker
needsmoarbokeh
Man, this is plain robbery. First, I'd call the bank and learn how the fuck they authorized to issue a card without your knowledge. If necessary they need to cover this with the fraud insurance. Second, this is a deal breaker. Someone like that can ruin your entire life. Call the bank, explain the problem let them solve the legal matters with your gf and cut everything with her. Like yesterday. Also, contact the police and press the charges.
Update May 29, 2019
I decided to “grow up” and break up with her. She didn’t have a lot of stuff at my house so I put it all into a few big boxes and had it shipped to her house. I also changed the access code to both my security system and my door locks.
The day I posted last week, I called her and told her I’m sending her all of her things (after I changed the code/lock code) and we were through. She said I was making a horrible mistake, then apologized, then said we can work through it…..I told her we couldn’t work through it and not to contact me anymore. Hung up and blocked her number.
I drove to the sheriff’s department in tears but I knew I could literally never trust her again. Once I got there, the deputy was super polite and said it happens more than you’d think. He took a report and had me complete a form swearing that everything I said was the truth.
The next day (Wednesday), I wake up to a pounding at the door. It’s my ex and she’s demanding to talk. Through the door, I told her to leave, she refused, pounding on the door and crying. It took everything I had not to open the door and at least speak with her. 5 minutes straight, she’s pounding on the door pleading with me. Then she starts getting quite a bit more violent, kicking the door and yelling obscenities. Since I was afraid she was going to start breaking glass, I called 911. After maybe 5 minutes of the obscenities, she just sat down in front of the door, which was where she was a couple of minutes later when the deputy go to my house (I live kind of outside of town in a rural subdivision).
The deputy asked her if she lived there and she said she doesn’t. The three of us talk for a few minutes and I gave him the report number from the day before. He didn’t know anything about it but he asked if I wanted to have my ex trespassed from my property. “Yes I do”, which set her off yelling and got her told off by the deputy. I signed a little slip of paper and he served her a copy of the trespass warning, if she comes back onto my property, she can be arrested for criminal trespassing.
She left at that point and I haven’t heard from her since. The sheriff’s office told me they will follow up with me as far as the identity theft charges go but that I may not hear anything for awhile. I’m working on getting the debt out of my name and so far, the credit card company is being very easy to work with, their fraud department said I should be clear of it within a month.
I truly appreciate the support I received from the thousands of people who commented here. Along with my family, I’ve realized I do deserve something far better than the relationship I had with a manipulative, controlling woman. For anyone else who might be going through this, just call the police, don’t think twice about it, let them do their job.
Shout out to r/stopIDtheft and r/personalfinance for going even more in-depth into everything. It made me feel a lot better about my decision. I’ll be happy to provide another update in the future if/when charges get filed or she gets prosecuted.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
[deleted]
"She said I was making a horrible mistake"
Totally. It's the dream of every man to meet a sweet lass who will open credit cards in their name.
(reply)
[deleted]
Ugh my step brother stole 1200 dollars of social security money from his granddad who is in very poor health. Which caused him to lose his health and life insurance since he couldn’t pay for it. His grandad is being way too nice and giving him 30 days to pay it back( I promise you he won’t). He’s been begging his grandad to just let it go and not press charges. My step brothers dad isn’t a horrible person but he enables his son so bad. He said he doesn’t want him to go to jail. He’s already got theft charges. He steals people’s things and sells them. He refuses to hold a steady job. My step dad will end up cleaning up his sons mess like he always has.
People like that make me sick. If you want something you should work for it. Not steal other people’s things. I’m so glad OP left her. Nobody deserves to be treated with such disrespect.
(end of reply)
TeaTreeTeach
As a victim of identity theft as well, I truly don't understand why it is so easy to open credit cards/accounts in other people's names.
You barely even need their information...
MamaBear4485
If this fits, you are indeed dealing with a narcissist - every time you catch a narcissist doing something wrong, they always recite this little prayer. Sometimes the words change, and sometimes they recite it over days or weeks, but it always comes out.
A Narcissist’s Prayer
That didn’t happen.
And if it did, it wasn’t that bad.
And if it was, that’s not a big deal.
And if it is, that’s not my fault.
And if it was, I didn’t mean it.
And if I did…
You deserved it.
sherfucked
I never saw your previous post but it’s good to see that you did what was best. Also, please remember to stay safe. In my experience a warning doesn’t always stop a person like that. Might be worth it to get a camera to watch your front door.
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