What kills me is the lack of accountability

Both my mom and my ex likely have undiagnosed BPD. My ex and I literally went down the list of symptoms and they confirmed that they check every single box, but it just doesn't "create any issues in their life." (yeah, right)

I've had to go NC with both of them. It was easier with my mom because I've had 31 years to build up a dossier of shitty behavior and have made many attempts to communicate with her about these problems to no avail. But, I still miss my ex.

I tried to talk about how their behavior affected me and our relationship negatively. I tried to open channels for open, honest communication about how we both showed up in the relationship. I took responsibility for my codependence and my intense emotions. From them, I only got stonewalling and silence. They tried to apologize, but their "apology" only flipped the responsibility on me.

I'm just tired of people demanding accountability from me while not being able to do the same for others.

Any advice on getting past this?