i can't accept my diagnosis

i'm 18, turning 19 soon and i recently got diagnosed with bpd (around 2 months ago). it happened SUPER quickly. i went through all sorts of tests at the hospital after i had a psychotic episode, but the doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with me.

i got admitted into outpatient care and they diagnosed me with bpd after just two weeks of being there.

i'm still super confused about this turn of events. since it hasn't been long, there's a lot i don't know about this disorder, or how much it can vary from person to person.

around a year ago, i had already suspected that i might have bpd, but when i brought it up to my (former) therapist, she dismissed it after less than 10 minutes, saying it's unlikely because i don't get angry outbursts and she "knows what people with bpd look like".

it made me feel like i was just looking for attention, or like i was pretending to have bpd when i actually didn't. i hadn't even thought about the possibility anymore, and now after just two weeks of being monitored i got diagnosed?

i know that i meet the diagnostic criteria, a lot of experts looked at my case, so i know they're probably right. but i can't shake off the thought that they made a mistake and i'm just overreacting.

i'm very sensitive, i take the tiniest things personally, but i rarely get mad. i don't think it's because i'm a calm person, i just can't distinguish between my emotions / feel empty most of the time. instead of having angry outbursts, it turns into self hatred and i take my frustrations out on myself.

i do get attached very easily, but i don't have a FP - i don't even feel like i can form relationships at all anymore. can i still have bpd, even though i feel like this?

my current therapist and the doctors said that i definitely have bpd, which is most likely a reason for my psychotic symptoms as well, and i'm supposed to start DBT soon.

but no matter how much i think or talk to them, i just CAN'T shake off the feeling that i'm just pretending. maybe i just gave them the wrong idea? i feel like i'm going in circles, i feel so guilty.