WIBTAH for divorcing my wife after she cheated after her parents died?
I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/throwawayh77 posting in r/AITAH
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Original - 17th September 2024
Update - 15th January 2025
WIBTAH for divorcing my wife after she cheated after her parents died?
About a month ago, my wife's parents both died in a car crash. She has been an emotional mess. We live in her hometown, so we have been seeing her family and friends often.
I've been supportive any way I can, I've taken care of all house chores, and I've been there for her every day.
Here's where things get messy. She has an ex. Let's call him Luke.
Luke is not just her ex, Luke is still friends with her, and her first love. They were high school sweethearts, and Luke was almost like another child to her parents. The death of her parents affected Luke a lot too.
Honestly, I didn't initially liked the fact that they were friends, but I trust my wife, and moved on from that feeling.
Few days ago, my wife said she was going to go out with her family, I told her I could go with her, but she insisted on going alone.
She didn't come back until the next morning. I tried to call her and call her family members, but no one knew where she was.
When she did come back, she was a mess. I asked her where she was all night.
She told me she fucked up, fucked up so much.
I tried to calm her down, and told her to just tell what happened and that it's OK, she can talk to me. She said she slept with Luke.
I didn't react much. I told her I need some time to think. She has apoligized so many times now. I did eventually ask her what happened.
She said she met up with Luke and they were both messes. They reminisced about her parents, which led to them remembering their relationship. They were both drinking and it just... happened.
I'm so conflicted right now. My wife is probably going through the worst time in her life, but I don't think I want to he with her now. I'm furious at her.
Comments
CrabbyPatty1876
Honestly her saying no to you coming makes this seem pre-planned.
Historical-Goal-3786
Right? If I'm grieving, I would want the person I love the most to come and comfort me. My husband would want to grieve with me.
Reimiro
She decided Luke is that person.
Open-Incident-3601
I lost three family members, including both parents, very close together. Absolute rock bottom grief. Did not betray my marriage vows. She left you at home because she wanted to be with Luke. You’ll never not know that she chose him in her lowest moment. NTA
Haunting-Juice983
There’s a lot of accidents that can occur when grieving Taking up smoking, drinking as vices to combat pain Falling on an exes dick is not one of them
Unpopular_Opinion210
NTA. It was never an accident as it seems she planned a night out with this guy. Choices have consequences and I could understand if your trust in her is broken.
OOP: From what I know, she was with her sister for a while and some friends, including Luke. My wife excused herself, and her sister said she didn't know where she went and assumed she went back home.
Unpopular_Opinion210
What stands out to me is you tried to be there for her and she preferred to go ‘alone’. In the end, she wasn’t just out with family and chose to find comfort in this guy. I would consider the reminiscing an excuse.
**Judgement - NTA*\*
Update - 4 months later
These past few months have been a very turbulent time for me, I actually forgot I posted this.
I do thank you all for your support.
We are getting divorced. Shortly after my post, I moved out of our place. My wife has messaged and called, saying she's sorry for sleeping with Luke, and promising she would never see him again and she would never do this again.
Part of me does believe she's being honest, but it doesn't matter. I look at her, and all I feel is pain in my chest. Even if I were to forgive her, everytime I see her face I just want to yell at her. I had to hold myself back from calling her a fucking whore, and telling her I fucking knew her relationship with Luke was gonna be an issue.
Still, I haven't done that, I figured staying calm and class is the best way for the divorce to go my way.
We're still going through all the proceedings. She's been dragging this on.
Idk.
I can't really say I'm happy or at peace, but I'm moving forward, or at least trying to.
Honestly, not much to say.
Comments
Superb_Split_6064
NTA. Cheating is a major betrayal, and it's understandable that you're still hurting. You're doing the right thing by prioritizing your own well-being. Focus on healing and moving forward, even if it's one step at a time.
AssistanceOk3669
Second this. OP's wife is going to drag this on as much as possible to try to ensure there's a chance for reconciliation so ensuring that he is full okay is going to be paramount.
Hopefully he takes on a new hobby or something of said sort to try to lift up his spirits a bit. Wishing him nothing but the best.
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