I wanted my kid to be like me.

[JUST VENTING]

I have a three-year-old toddler. We* got diagnosed last year and it's been over a year of OT and six months of ST. He's been such a champ throughout and has made amazing progress. From pulling and pointing when he needs something, he's able to communicate (with words) what he needs and wants. His behavior has also greatly improved over time.

I say we because on the consult where he officially got diagnosed, the dev ped pointed out that I was showing signs of autism in adults too and I admitted that I went through the rabbit hole of adult autism videos on Tiktok. He asked a few questions to confirm his suspicion and he did confirm that I was definitely on the spectrum but seemed to be high-functioning.

When I was pregnant, I always wished that my son would turn out like me. I wanted him to look like me and be as good in academics as I was but I never really knew or suspected that I was possibly on the spectrum.

Despite his progress, there are still some big challenges that we have to deal with. Our current struggle is with him brushing his teeth.

We haven't really been the best at making him do it consistently and we weren't able to wean him off night feeding. This resulted in having him undergo an extensive dental procedure where 10 teeth had to be pulled out and 6 were put in crowns. When the doctors had me pick him up from the procedure room when he was waking up from anesthesia, I was in tears and felt so bad and the recurring thought that popped up in my head was "Out of all the things that he could get from me, it really had to be autism."

I have thyroid cancer so things aren't really going well for me from a health standpoint. I'm agnostic but out of desperation, I started praying. I said in my prayer, I'm willing to exchange a few years of my life if it means that my son can be well enough for us to be able to take care of him properly without much struggle.

I know this is most likely temporary. Just like how he improved with talking and his other behaviors, we'll probably be able to settle into a good dental hygeine routine soon. I just worry so much about having to wait for it to happen and then it'll be too late again.