My friend wants to take a break from our friendship after I shared how being misunderstood made me feel

One of my closest friends that I’ve had for over 20 years now has decided to take a break from our friendship. I’ve realized I’ve been deeply depressed since this happened. I haven’t had much energy for anything, I’m hardly eating, and I just feel so low. I miss her and keep replaying our last conversation in my mind, and I wish it would stop.

We didn’t have issues in our friendship until after her divorce 3 years ago. The entire situation was honestly horrible and I was there for her almost daily. I encouraged her to go to therapy and do things with her daughter. I found activities she could do locally to get out. I was so happy when she felt better.

So now prior to this, we didn’t agree on some things, but we always agreed to disagree and moved on. After she started feeling better she began taking any time I don’t agree with her as me blaming her and would get very defensive. A lot of these were minor things, and I’ve been very confused. I’ve tried to explain my intentions to her, and we had been moving past these issues, but I’ve started feeling very anxious any time it happens.

For example this last time she was telling me how she didn’t like how her landlord was treating her after she told him she was moving out without a notice. I said something like how how a notice is usually common for these situations so I can see why he would be upset. But I agreed that what he was doing by sending so many people there to see the place at all different times wasn’t okay. I asked if she communicated this to him, because she kept telling me he should know that she’s a single mom with a child and so on. The landlord has been a long term friend of hers, and I did feel that it wasn’t very nice to do that to him, but I didn’t say that. She started saying things like, “don’t you dare blame this on me!” And I shut down.

I finally told her how I felt using I statements. I explained that I feel anxious when she assumes I’m blaming her. I told her my intention is never to judge her or blame her. I explained to her how I feel triggered when I’m misunderstood, which leads to me shutting down and not being able to communicate in the moment. I thought I would get to say more and have a conversation about this, but she said she needs a break from this friendship. I asked her if she could help me understand what she means by a break and she hasn’t spoken to me at all.

I love and care about her so much. We hung out together so much in junior high and high school. We talked so much throughout college and afterwards. I know the divorce was hard for her, but why did our friendship change like this? I’ve never had a friend ask for a break before, so I don’t even know what it all means.