Don’t know what to do with my career

I’ve been a freelance photographer and visual artist for years but I was always overworking, being exhausted and barely made enough to pay my bills (let alone saving a bit).

Then I started doing part time work as a social media manager but this made me collaps after two years. I’ve been diagnosed with fibromyalgia and I’m on a waiting list for an autism diagnosis.

I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I am creative and talented (according to companies and people who work in media or advertising) but it never seems to work out business-wise.

I either get overwhelmed by customers who want me to do to much stuff for free and even getting into pretty intense discussions about this, or I work at an office and I get home crying in a complete meltdown because of meetings, having to be social and nog feeling understood in what I need to succeed (but being expected to still succeed).

I wish I could work for myself again so it’s less intense but at the moment I am so tired that if I do something social, I can end up in 19 hours of sleep the day after, and the other 5 hours were small moments of me on the couch just eating some food and watching a documentary.

Luckily where I live there is a possibility to call in sick long term, but I’ve been off for half a year now and my colleagues start pulling a bit because they want me to reintegrate.

I just don’t see how I am ever going to be able to live a normal life. I am ambitious and I want to work, but with what I love doing the most: it’s really difficult to run a steady business. I’d have to be good at sales and be quite tough. With working in an office, even part time; is just exhausting. It ends up in me only going to that office, sleeping the rest of the week, getting depressed because I basically live to work and survive and my life is going nowhere.

I’m 30 and I’m on my own btw, so no partner or parents to financially support me.