Got blindsided by a breakup and have to start over at 30

Hi everyone, I’m (30F) usually just a reader on Reddit, occasionally commenting, but today I feel the need to share my story and get this off my chest.

I was in a loving relationship for the past 7+ years. I met my now ex (30M) when we were both in our early twenties, and it truly felt like love at first sight. Due to circumstances, I moved in with him within the first year of our relationship, but it all felt right. I already had a dog, whom he loved as much as I did, and we shared hobbies like traveling, dining out, going to the movies—just enjoying life together. I cherished our relationship because he was such a caring and loving person. He never got angry with me and supported me through various challenges.

Unfortunately, last weekend, out of nowhere, he confessed that he had been doubting our relationship. Over the past year, he went through a lot of personal changes: quitting his job to pursue self-employment, going on retreats, and trying to figure out who he is. He had certain goals he wanted to achieve before turning 30, and I think the pressure of not meeting those goals affected him deeply.

I’ve always supported him and gave him the space to pursue what he wanted. I asked him daily how he was feeling and how he was handling the struggles of starting his business, trying to get him to open up. But he always told me, “It’s fine” or “It will be okay.” Then, two weeks ago, he said he felt unsupported during his self-employment journey.

This took me by surprise because I genuinely tried to be there for him in every way I could. He expected me to take more tasks in the house like doing grocery shopping. I didn’t think of this because he always done the errands and was home all the time while I still worked my full time job. I just wish he would have told me because then of course I would have done those things. He went on to say that he doesn’t think we’re compatible in the long run and that it’s better to end things now. He was firm in his decision—there was no room for trying again or working on our relationship. He admitted he’d been keeping these feelings to himself for over two months. I know he avoids conflict, but to hold something like this in for so long without telling me felt like a betrayal.

I’m not going to beg someone to stay with me, so when it became clear that he didn’t want to try anymore, I accepted it. But accepting it doesn’t make it less painful. It feels like I’ve lost everything we built together over the past seven years. We lived in his house, which is far from my family, and I don’t have my own place to go to. Most of our friends I met through him, and we’ve shared so much—from furniture to memories. With the housing market being so crazy right now, I have no choice but to move back in with my parents. That feels like a step backward, like a failure.

I’m trying to remind myself that I’m good enough. I have a well-paying job in IT and the ability to take care of myself but starting over at 30, especially when I didn’t see it coming, is overwhelming. I never imagined 2025 would begin like this, and it hurts so much.