built the life i wanted and it wasn't enough.

31, almost 32/m.

i beat drug addiction. spent 11 years hooked on cocaine since i was 16. lost everything. got sober. turned my life around. now i'm a senior sales rep making a quarter million a year. i remember having no food, drinking water just to feel full. sobriety's been great, but buying shit doesn't hit the same anymore. got the clothes, the watch, the music gear—everything i wanted—and it's empty. no dopamine rush. just another thing on the shelf.

i just got promoted, hit the highest title i can. not the highest pay, but close. without my career, i'd be fucked. it's one of the few things that gave me purpose after addiction. my last relationship was toxic as hell. the trauma bond left a scar.

i've realized buying more shit won’t make me happy. made me get why someone like anthony bourdain would check out. you can have it all, but without the right people around—family, real connections—life feels pointless. eating just to shit. fucking random women feels as empty as pissing.

feels like i’ve "conquered" addiction and my career. next is figuring out dating and taking better care of my body. nearing 32, seeing material shit for what it is might be a blessing. but i know i won’t make it another 30 years if life stays this lonely.