I did something really bad

TL:DR: I checked on partner's bathroom bin looking for used condoms. When confronted I confessed and explained my motives but he said it was unacceptable and broke up.

So my (31M) boyfriend (39M) broke up with me last night. I mean, ex boyfriend. We've been together for the last few months. We have arrived at his apartment from supermarket, I went to take out his kitchen trash because we were going to decide whether to cook or dine out.

While I went out with the kitchen trash, he went to his bedroom. When I get back, he was speaking with someone in a videocall and ended it while I entered the room. I casually asked who it was. He said "my new boyfriend, I'm looking for a new one".

He's been doing this "jokes" all the time recently. This "new boyfriend joke" is a regular, but also stuff like "when you cheat on me use condoms". He says these things out of nowhere sometimes. It's totally unsolicited and unjustified even as "jokes" because I am absolutely loyal to the people I'm with. I told him to stop with this multiple times.

I confess, all these sayings started weighting down on me. I started to feel like he meant to say those jokes not only to provoke me but also to make me jealous, to make me think he was into something or someone else. I thouched the subject once. I said, "why you giving me advice on cheating? you plan to cheat on me like this?". He got angry. I moved on.

Back to last night. I told him to stop with the "new boyfriend joke" once and for all. He gave his regular smirk. Now is when I mess up. While I approached his bed I noticed the side table drawer was ajar. It's where he keeps condoms and lube. The lube was out, on the counter.

We had agreeded to stay monogamous back when we started the relationship. So the moment I see this setting, I started imagining things. I said out loud "your bed side table have a open drawer". He listened and stayed silent. I opened it, I looked at the condoms inside and looked at him. He stayed silent. I climbed to bed and sat by his side. He stay silent rolling instagram reels.

Then I got up and went to his bathroom, to brush teeth but also to check om his bin for evidence of cheating. I was out of my mind by then. He then noticed it and confronted me. I confessed I did check on his bin looking for used condoms. He got very very angry and said he couldn't stay in the same room with someone like me ever again.

So what I did was terribly invasive. I'm ashamed. I asked him to forgive me, to understand me and to let me fix the confidence I broke. I didn't justifed my mistakes but I said it has motifs. Those been his constant provocations. He said he can't accept.

I don't know exactly why I went through all this here. I love him pretty much. I used to say it all the time. I wanted him to be able to see me, to see how my insecurities rised up with his jokes, to the point I did what I did. I'm not looking for validation, I take responsibility of what I did. But I never did it before and I feel like I'm a terrible person.

So, I want to ask you gay bros how many of you have checked on a partner's bathroom bin like this? When confronted, will you or have you confessed to them that you did? Am I an asshole?