I hate new year.

Our country celebrates this time of the year very enthusiasticly. People are setting off bomb-like fireworks that makes the ground shake and it doesn't help that I already have an anxiety with fireworks and sudden noises like balloons popping or revving of motorcycle engine but with the other two, I can tolerate because I can get away from it but with a nationwide celebration, it's hard to avoid it plus I have to go to work on New year's.

It started when I was a kid holding a roman candle and it malfunctioned then exploded while I'm holding it. After that, I had this fear of New year's because of fireworks that I cannot overcome even though decades has passed.

I'm always on high alert and sweating during this time of the year. If I hear a loud boom, my heart sinks and stomach turns and it's so awful because I have a fear that my heart suddenly stops because of being startled too much.

If there's anyone there that has the same plight as me and have tips how to survive or overcome this, I would be so grateful.

It's so embarrassing as well as I am a guy and I'm afraid to show my peers that I have this condition. I cannot even celebrate New year's with them because of this. None of them has the same condition as I do.

It's extremely annoying too because I can't function properly during this time of the year as I'm just always bracing myself for the next explosion.