AITA for not wanting to date a racist
So, I (24F, white) went on a Tinder date with this guy, Mike (26M), who’s mixed race (Black and white). His profile mentioned an interest in cultural history, which really drew me to him. I love people who embrace their heritage, and I thought we’d have amazing conversations about culture and representation.
At first, the date was fine. We talked about jobs and hobbies, and then I brought up movies because I’m a huge Disney and Marvel fan. I told him my favorite Marvel movie is Black Panther: Wakanda Forever because of how emotional and culturally significant it is.
He kind of shrugged and said, “Yeah, I didn’t really like it.” That threw me off immediately. I asked if he liked the first Black Panther, thinking maybe he at least appreciated the original, and he said, “Not really, no. I thought the CGI was bad, and the story wasn’t that strong.”
I couldn’t believe it. I said, “You do realize those movies are more than just superhero stories, right? They’re about representation, celebrating African culture, and they mean so much to so many people.”
He nodded and said, “I understand that, but I don’t judge movies based on their cultural significance. I just didn’t enjoy them.”
That didn’t sit right with me. Here’s a mixed-race man dismissing films that are literally about celebrating his heritage. So I asked, “What about other Disney movies with Black protagonists? Have you seen Soul or The Princess and the Frog?”
He said no to both, saying he doesn’t watch much animation. Then I brought up Cool Runnings and Remember the Titans, and he said he hadn’t seen those either. He kept saying, “I just watch what I like,” but the pattern felt obvious to me.
I said, “It feels like you’re avoiding stories with Black characters. Don’t you think that’s a little racist?”
He looked at me, clearly annoyed, and said, “That’s not fair. I’m not avoiding anything. I just haven’t seen some movies, and I didn’t like the ones I did watch. That doesn’t make me racist.”
But it wasn’t just about the movies. Throughout the date, I noticed he didn’t “talk Black” or have any cultural markers that showed he embraced his African heritage. I asked him, “Do you feel connected to your Black heritage? Because you don’t seem to acknowledge it at all.”
He looked stunned and said, “What does that even mean? I don’t need to act a certain way to prove I’m Black. This is just who I am.”
I told him, “It feels like you’re ashamed of your heritage. I thought we’d connect over that, but it seems like you’re running away from it.”
The date ended awkwardly, but when I got home, I sent him a message on Tinder. I wrote, “I’m blacker than you are. You’re just as racist as a colonizer for rejecting your own culture.” Then I unmatched him before he could reply.
Here’s where things got tricky. I told my friends about the date, expecting support, but none of them agreed with me. They said I was out of line, that I was projecting my own ideas onto Mike, and that I had no right to tell him how to engage with his identity. One friend even said, “You’re literally the one being racist by assuming how a mixed-race person should act.”
I feel conflicted now. I still think I was right to call him out, but if my friends can’t see that, does that mean they’re also problematic? I don’t want to have to drop them, but it feels like they’re just as dismissive of these issues as Mike was.
So, AITA for calling him out and ending the date the way I did? Should I be rethinking my friendships too?